[There is not a chance that Riku's getting away, and Natsuno tightens his hold on his hand so he can't possibly manage it. He's not sure if it is Riku's business or not, but it feels like a legitimate question. He shakes his head a moment as if to tell him to stay put before he begins speaking, looking at the deck.]

I think, that I was.

[He begins slowly, speaking softly.]

Tohru was my best friend, and the only person I could pretty much tolerate in that town. I hated it so much. I never liked girls, nor did I understand Shimizu's fascination with me, however, I don't think he felt the same way I did. I didn't let it bother me too much because I was planning on leaving anyway.

I didn't even want to make friends.

[He sighs. It's painful to think of those times now, and harder to remember when Tohru was himself]

Maybe it was stupid to feel that way, even if he didn't. It hurt when he died. I know, you don't think he did, and we can argue about that all day, but I saw his body, where he'd died. I saw him in his coffin. I couldn't breathe then. I never spoke up, his brother and his sister were a lot more heartbroken then I was. It was all so wrong and I had many regrets.

[One hand slides free of Riku's, going up to his face as he exhales. Perhaps he's hiding behind it just a little bit. He swallows, and continues. The pain is still there.]

I never thought he would come back. He wasn't the same then. He looked the same, his voice was the same, but he wasn't the same. It's these things that haunt my dreams now. No matter how you look at it, he's a murderer.

[He let's out something of a pained laugh as he shrugs.]

I mean, he killed me. I can't really deny what he became. I thought I could sway him, but he killed me anyway. It was pathetic of me, to be unable to save myself, just because it was him. He'd have these flashes of humanity, you know? After he killed me, he became totally wrecked. I didn't know how to fix it, I never spoke to him again.

[Now he lets go of Riku's hand, fiddling with his fingernails absently.]

The person I loved, died. That's all there is to it in the end. He died. I can't deny that I have feelings for him. That might always be so, if I can remember the good memories, instead of the ones I can't ever forget.

[He sucks in a shaky breath.]

It still hurts, but it's...hurting less every day. When I came here I wasn't planning on moving on. I wasn't planning on a future. I didn't have to think about this. I didn't have to deal with it.

[Natsuno puts his head in his hands. If Riku wants to leave, he can, but he adds something just as softly.]

It's been six months since he died Riku. It'd be a long eternity if I couldn't move past it.