[He shifts and moves his feet so that one is on either side of Ikki's shoulders, ready to grab him as needed, even though it means letting his tail feathers down carefully.]
[Where does he begin?]
[All the pain.]
[He had told Ikki that sometimes you can't always protect someone from being hurt... and lord is that ever true.]
[But did it get both Ikki and Selphie more hurt than necessary? More hurt than it would have otherwise?]
[He's still dizzy in the forest. The constant force of life's will exerting its dominance throws his sense of balance out the window, and it creates a push right back of the other side, the undercurrent of it all.]
[His Pops would want him to be happy, but until now that always just meant fighting for his Pops and the family.]
[In his own world, the endless war will rage on, and even though he doesn't see a way out, the one thing he does know is--]
[Nico Robin lies at the heart of so much of it. Ace's little brother's assassin. Former ally and enemy of a mutual enemy: Crocodile. Someone the whole world would see as a threat, much like his Pops was seen.]
[Wasn't that something he shouldn't touch?]
[He should stay professional.]
[But he doesn't know how.]
[Is it a phoenix thing, an Ikki thing, a Marco thing, a pirate thing, a politics thing?]
[But in this place, didn't he have freedom?]
There's a woman I've vowed to never hurt.
Or at least, as minimally as possible.
[Somethings will always hurt, he told Selphie. It's just a matter of what hurts least.]
But it seems I can't even speak to her right anymore. Everything I mean gets muddied and misunderstood, and then we don't talk about what I meant to or I--
[Tragic heroine was the way Natsuno described Shimizu. He really seemed to hate her. And Selphie said the difference was that Marco would never let a woman see the full rage in him, and light, if he could avoid it, that was true. He hopes he always can.]
Thatch hates it. He knows I'll always make sure that the pain falls on me, and he hates that.
[Another reason Marco couldn't bring it up with him.]
I wanted her to promise me something before I could engage her in a romantic relationship.
[This fucking forest. Sorrow careens through Marco all at once. Like he's lost, but luckily, he's not alone, and he mentally throws up a wing to block it all out. Ikki's there. He's not alone. Ikki understands. He's not alone.]
So that I never reached a point where she got so hurt I could never forgive myself, I wanted to know if she was strong enough to stop me. I wonder if I phrased it wrong. She and Ace thought I was just too chicken to ask her out on a single date, but that's not the case at all.
[Selphie's weak-hearted plea explaining she wasn't strong enough racks through his brain again, but strangely, it bolsters Marco's courage. This is important.]
Is it asking too much?
I told you how the stakes are so high. My brothers are involved in the stakes. Her crew, mine, the world's politics itself are part of it all. And I... just want to walk away. Fold out. The stakes are too high, I don't play like that.
[So then why bother? High rewards or not, it was too dangerous. And Marco was cautious.]
But I can't pretend to stay in the game with a hand this good if I don't at least try.
[Because his inaction could hurt her just as much as trying.]
I told Selphie too late to at least hold her own. I won't let any of my nakama crumple like paper without at least trying, eh?
[He looks up at the stars thinking hard. Robin is sharp, but there's so much they don't know or understand. About each other, people in general, it's complicated.]
It's not enough, but maybe if I could get that through to her...
[If he tried again, sat her down over coffee and after flying to explain in under no uncertain terms not to treat him like a mind reader. Like someone who knew what to do every time and therefore obviously purposely did things wrong and --]
[Maybe it's wishful thinking.]
[Maybe it's a lost cause.]
[He has a straight, he could try for a flush, but the other players are unknown and he usually always plays it safe.]
[But safe isn't good enough.]
[She and Ace kept saying to go all the way, but they didn't know. They didn't understand the stakes.]
[How Marco would always make sure that when they fall, he lands on the bottom to cushion it for her.]
[How sometimes just getting that close to someone, no matter how strong they are will hurt.]
[It always hurts.]
[And the stakes are so high.]
[Marco lightly bites a strand of Ikki's hair in his beak. Careful not to tug it, just quietly holding it, like he did to Thatch's sometimes when he started to braid it.]
I'm sorry.
[He wishes Ikki wasn't hurt. Inevitable or not, risks were awful. They never worked out well. He told Ace how risks always failed him. Garp punched him. And then Ace thought he was just more scared of asking Robin on a date than even of his Grandfather. It wasn't that at all. Asking her out on a date was easy. But it wasn't enough. He'd told Robin that too, but he still suspected she didn't understand.]
[No one ever understood.]
[Did Selphie? She said she wasn't strong enough to understand, so maybe not, but it wasn't a matter of strength. It just was.]
[Maybe some things couldn't be understood.]
[Marco quietly starts braiding a strand of Ikki's hair.]
[It's so foolish anyway. Why is he always so determined to keep playing this game? Hand after hand. It was well out of his comfort zone, but he couldn't check out either. His brothers were counting on him and he was the best at bluffing.]
[Maybe that's why it's so out of his comfort zone. Robin is someone who finds the truth. Lying isn't a defense against her. So how can he protect her? He doesn't even know how to protect her from himself -- and with his luck, the minute he tried to tell her, she'd probably think he meant physically not emotionally or mentally.]
[People are confusing.]
[You don't show them your bad sides, or they get burned. But how could he trust her not to get burned then?]
[Why bother why bother...]
[Sometimes he wished he was as reckless as Ace. Able to run off to hunt Blackbeard because someone had to. Able to risk everything for the sake of emotions.]
I want to try.
To show my brothers it's okay.
[That they can all be free here. That nothing can hold them back, hold them down. That even though things were bad for Ikki with Selphie, no one has to give up.]
But there's another piece I can't see. It's not that I want a guarantee that everything will work out. [He's already sure it won't, but he'll make it fun for her as long as he can.] But how do I tell her how and when to put me in my place? Should I? Is there something else I should say instead?
no subject
[Selphie, emotions, talking, words, people, humans, nakama, protection, Robin, romance, spring, renewal, life, history, missions, goals, objectives, work, duty, family, phoenix, flames, Ikki.]
[He shifts and moves his feet so that one is on either side of Ikki's shoulders, ready to grab him as needed, even though it means letting his tail feathers down carefully.]
[Where does he begin?]
[All the pain.]
[He had told Ikki that sometimes you can't always protect someone from being hurt... and lord is that ever true.]
[But did it get both Ikki and Selphie more hurt than necessary? More hurt than it would have otherwise?]
[He's still dizzy in the forest. The constant force of life's will exerting its dominance throws his sense of balance out the window, and it creates a push right back of the other side, the undercurrent of it all.]
[His Pops would want him to be happy, but until now that always just meant fighting for his Pops and the family.]
[In his own world, the endless war will rage on, and even though he doesn't see a way out, the one thing he does know is--]
[Nico Robin lies at the heart of so much of it. Ace's little brother's assassin. Former ally and enemy of a mutual enemy: Crocodile. Someone the whole world would see as a threat, much like his Pops was seen.]
[Wasn't that something he shouldn't touch?]
[He should stay professional.]
[But he doesn't know how.]
[Is it a phoenix thing, an Ikki thing, a Marco thing, a pirate thing, a politics thing?]
[But in this place, didn't he have freedom?]
There's a woman I've vowed to never hurt.
Or at least, as minimally as possible.
[Somethings will always hurt, he told Selphie. It's just a matter of what hurts least.]
But it seems I can't even speak to her right anymore. Everything I mean gets muddied and misunderstood, and then we don't talk about what I meant to or I--
[Tragic heroine was the way Natsuno described Shimizu. He really seemed to hate her. And Selphie said the difference was that Marco would never let a woman see the full rage in him, and light, if he could avoid it, that was true. He hopes he always can.]
Thatch hates it. He knows I'll always make sure that the pain falls on me, and he hates that.
[Another reason Marco couldn't bring it up with him.]
I wanted her to promise me something before I could engage her in a romantic relationship.
[This fucking forest. Sorrow careens through Marco all at once. Like he's lost, but luckily, he's not alone, and he mentally throws up a wing to block it all out. Ikki's there. He's not alone. Ikki understands. He's not alone.]
So that I never reached a point where she got so hurt I could never forgive myself, I wanted to know if she was strong enough to stop me. I wonder if I phrased it wrong. She and Ace thought I was just too chicken to ask her out on a single date, but that's not the case at all.
[Selphie's weak-hearted plea explaining she wasn't strong enough racks through his brain again, but strangely, it bolsters Marco's courage. This is important.]
Is it asking too much?
I told you how the stakes are so high. My brothers are involved in the stakes. Her crew, mine, the world's politics itself are part of it all. And I... just want to walk away. Fold out. The stakes are too high, I don't play like that.
[So then why bother? High rewards or not, it was too dangerous. And Marco was cautious.]
But I can't pretend to stay in the game with a hand this good if I don't at least try.
[Because his inaction could hurt her just as much as trying.]
I told Selphie too late to at least hold her own. I won't let any of my nakama crumple like paper without at least trying, eh?
[He looks up at the stars thinking hard. Robin is sharp, but there's so much they don't know or understand. About each other, people in general, it's complicated.]
It's not enough, but maybe if I could get that through to her...
[If he tried again, sat her down over coffee and after flying to explain in under no uncertain terms not to treat him like a mind reader. Like someone who knew what to do every time and therefore obviously purposely did things wrong and --]
[Maybe it's wishful thinking.]
[Maybe it's a lost cause.]
[He has a straight, he could try for a flush, but the other players are unknown and he usually always plays it safe.]
[But safe isn't good enough.]
[She and Ace kept saying to go all the way, but they didn't know. They didn't understand the stakes.]
[How Marco would always make sure that when they fall, he lands on the bottom to cushion it for her.]
[How sometimes just getting that close to someone, no matter how strong they are will hurt.]
[It always hurts.]
[And the stakes are so high.]
[Marco lightly bites a strand of Ikki's hair in his beak. Careful not to tug it, just quietly holding it, like he did to Thatch's sometimes when he started to braid it.]
I'm sorry.
[He wishes Ikki wasn't hurt. Inevitable or not, risks were awful. They never worked out well. He told Ace how risks always failed him. Garp punched him. And then Ace thought he was just more scared of asking Robin on a date than even of his Grandfather. It wasn't that at all. Asking her out on a date was easy. But it wasn't enough. He'd told Robin that too, but he still suspected she didn't understand.]
[No one ever understood.]
[Did Selphie? She said she wasn't strong enough to understand, so maybe not, but it wasn't a matter of strength. It just was.]
[Maybe some things couldn't be understood.]
[Marco quietly starts braiding a strand of Ikki's hair.]
[It's so foolish anyway. Why is he always so determined to keep playing this game? Hand after hand. It was well out of his comfort zone, but he couldn't check out either. His brothers were counting on him and he was the best at bluffing.]
[Maybe that's why it's so out of his comfort zone. Robin is someone who finds the truth. Lying isn't a defense against her. So how can he protect her? He doesn't even know how to protect her from himself -- and with his luck, the minute he tried to tell her, she'd probably think he meant physically not emotionally or mentally.]
[People are confusing.]
[You don't show them your bad sides, or they get burned. But how could he trust her not to get burned then?]
[Why bother why bother...]
[Sometimes he wished he was as reckless as Ace. Able to run off to hunt Blackbeard because someone had to. Able to risk everything for the sake of emotions.]
I want to try.
To show my brothers it's okay.
[That they can all be free here. That nothing can hold them back, hold them down. That even though things were bad for Ikki with Selphie, no one has to give up.]
But there's another piece I can't see. It's not that I want a guarantee that everything will work out. [He's already sure it won't, but he'll make it fun for her as long as he can.] But how do I tell her how and when to put me in my place? Should I? Is there something else I should say instead?