"Not like Ace drives me crazy, eh. I'm sitting here with the most brilliant women I've ever met and whining about my baby brother. It's hard not to want to kick myself. Do me a favor, in the future if anyone ever asks what the legendary phoenix and leader of the Whitebeard pirates was like, leave out how easily floored by your charms I am, eh?"
That does, at least, get him thinking, however. 'Leader of the Whitebeard Pirates.' Did part of him still see himself that way? Of course he did. Because as determined to never ever go home as he was, in a way it still was 'home.' The rest of his brothers were there, and no matter how much he meant to watch Thatch and Ace live out their days as happily as possible, there would be a continuation for him. A sequel where he wasn't Marco the first mate of the Spades, but Marco, de facto leader of the Whitebeard pirates without their captain. And he worried that even some of the others saw him like that. Well, they should, shouldn't they? He was both. It was still a matter of transition. Ace the baby brother, versus Ace the Captain.
And then before Marco could even voice any of it he made the mistake of looking into Robin's eyes, and felt himself losing coherency all over again.
He wanted to put on his fake glasses or do something ridiculous to make her laugh. Damn it.
It was like she could see straight through him, and then to the pages of history he'd spent decades trying to unravel. And like a child he just wanted to hide from it.
"It's your eyes," he mumbled before glancing away trying to think again. "They're the same color as the highest parts of the sky over a winter island." And therefore really distracting.
Okay, focus, he could do this.
But first he had to stop running away from his own thoughts and letting himself try to escape from dealing with it by using Robin as an excuse.
This shouldn't be so hard.
"It wasn't just about Roxas leaving either." That was bound to affect Ace. He had reacted like an older brother mad at the younger one for crying, and that seemed typical for Ace. Especially since he'd get mad that he couldn't do anything to fix it. Still... why insist Roxas couldn't be part of the crew? Marco's thoughts just circled around in loops. "Lately it seems like a lot of little things are setting me off, eh?"
Everything. And he hated himself for it.
"Which is unfortunate, yoi. Ace had my back when I wanted to get revenge," revenge that he didn't get to achieve, but whatever, there were bigger going ons and Ace had to deal with Aokiji of all things. "So I should be the one always backing his decisions as well," a slight frown, before Marco caught it and grinned, "However ridiculous they are." Because Ds are bound to be ridiculous.
Maybe it was time he learned to do things differently... Differently like how? Suddenly the weight of all his years on the sea seemed to be pressing down on Marco's shoulders. He turned back to look at Robin seriously, "You think I should consider a different position?" That was... out of the question. He didn't want to be a captain, he wanted to enjoy his time in the world, and he couldn't be anything other than first mate but...
Was he really doing that badly? If he couldn't respect his captain's decisions or accurately represent the crew...
Then what?
Marco could barely imagine being anything else. He only agreed to first mate because Ace is his brother. His eyes flickered to the Spade tattoo on the left arm with the rolled up sleeve. He'd gotten one as an example, to make sure the others knew what it meant, how eternal such a thing was. And in a way, maybe that was why he was mad at Ace. Marco's frown deepened seriously.
"Leaving the crew isn't as easy as simply being on a different ship."
But more than that, that was one incident, and in the broader scale of it all...
Marco sighed softly, "For the first time in a long time I'm not at one hundred percent conviction and I don't know how to get there."
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"Not like Ace drives me crazy, eh. I'm sitting here with the most brilliant women I've ever met and whining about my baby brother. It's hard not to want to kick myself. Do me a favor, in the future if anyone ever asks what the legendary phoenix and leader of the Whitebeard pirates was like, leave out how easily floored by your charms I am, eh?"
That does, at least, get him thinking, however. 'Leader of the Whitebeard Pirates.' Did part of him still see himself that way? Of course he did. Because as determined to never ever go home as he was, in a way it still was 'home.' The rest of his brothers were there, and no matter how much he meant to watch Thatch and Ace live out their days as happily as possible, there would be a continuation for him. A sequel where he wasn't Marco the first mate of the Spades, but Marco, de facto leader of the Whitebeard pirates without their captain. And he worried that even some of the others saw him like that. Well, they should, shouldn't they? He was both. It was still a matter of transition. Ace the baby brother, versus Ace the Captain.
And then before Marco could even voice any of it he made the mistake of looking into Robin's eyes, and felt himself losing coherency all over again.
He wanted to put on his fake glasses or do something ridiculous to make her laugh. Damn it.
It was like she could see straight through him, and then to the pages of history he'd spent decades trying to unravel. And like a child he just wanted to hide from it.
"It's your eyes," he mumbled before glancing away trying to think again. "They're the same color as the highest parts of the sky over a winter island." And therefore really distracting.
Okay, focus, he could do this.
But first he had to stop running away from his own thoughts and letting himself try to escape from dealing with it by using Robin as an excuse.
This shouldn't be so hard.
"It wasn't just about Roxas leaving either." That was bound to affect Ace. He had reacted like an older brother mad at the younger one for crying, and that seemed typical for Ace. Especially since he'd get mad that he couldn't do anything to fix it. Still... why insist Roxas couldn't be part of the crew? Marco's thoughts just circled around in loops. "Lately it seems like a lot of little things are setting me off, eh?"
Everything. And he hated himself for it.
"Which is unfortunate, yoi. Ace had my back when I wanted to get revenge," revenge that he didn't get to achieve, but whatever, there were bigger going ons and Ace had to deal with Aokiji of all things. "So I should be the one always backing his decisions as well," a slight frown, before Marco caught it and grinned, "However ridiculous they are." Because Ds are bound to be ridiculous.
Maybe it was time he learned to do things differently... Differently like how? Suddenly the weight of all his years on the sea seemed to be pressing down on Marco's shoulders. He turned back to look at Robin seriously, "You think I should consider a different position?" That was... out of the question. He didn't want to be a captain, he wanted to enjoy his time in the world, and he couldn't be anything other than first mate but...
Was he really doing that badly? If he couldn't respect his captain's decisions or accurately represent the crew...
Then what?
Marco could barely imagine being anything else. He only agreed to first mate because Ace is his brother. His eyes flickered to the Spade tattoo on the left arm with the rolled up sleeve. He'd gotten one as an example, to make sure the others knew what it meant, how eternal such a thing was. And in a way, maybe that was why he was mad at Ace. Marco's frown deepened seriously.
"Leaving the crew isn't as easy as simply being on a different ship."
But more than that, that was one incident, and in the broader scale of it all...
Marco sighed softly, "For the first time in a long time I'm not at one hundred percent conviction and I don't know how to get there."