high_seas | Bubble Trouble

[Well geez, even if the yelping somehow doesn't wake him up, being rocked right out of the shitty hammock certainly does! Zoro's momentum upsets the entire thing, of course, and Sanji jolts awake as he hits the ground hard, letting out a yelp of his own.]

The fuck, you asshole, the hell's wrong with you? People're tryin' to sleep, ya know.

[He pushes himself up to a sitting position, scowling and rubbing the back of his head where it hit the deck before gingerly feeling his shoulder. Though, strangely, it doesn't hurt at all. Huh.

Sanji peers through the darkness, trying to find Zoro.]

Also some of us recently got shot, and— [STOPS TALKING ABRUPTLY, a hand flying to his throat.] What the shit??

[Because that is not his voice. That is so not his goddamn voice!]

Who are you?!

[it's only natural to wonder, okay? There's a woman in the men's cabin, a woman in Sanji's bed (shut up, gut, it can't be what it looks like), he can hear the voice now. Blinking in the dark to try to be able to see, Zoro is entirely taken aback by the words, and the thing his haki is telling him: that presence isn't a stranger.

But no, haki, you're dumb.]

What the hell is going on, here?

[Makes an offended sound.]

Who am I?! Fuck you, marimo, who the hell do you think—

[Jesus, okay, he's getting a bit screechy. Gah. There's definitely a more feminine sound to his voice now. So...]

Holy shit, did I switch bodies with Nami-san again? IS NAMI-SAN HERE?!

[And now his hands fly somewhere else -- right to his chest, to be specific. Sure are some boobs there now.]

...And Law, too?

[A beat later, as he remembers both of them would need to be present for such a bodyswap to occur. Hmmmm.

Glances down suddenly, giving his breasts another squeeze.]

These aren't Nami-san's.

[...

.....

.......]

[his eye has adjusted enough now that he can see that]

Stop doing that! Gaaahhh...

[fisting his hands in his hair. What the hell is going on? He's too short on sleep to think quickly right now. It's starting to become pretty clear, though, that the cook is a girl. How and why can wait until he's gotten the basics through his thick skull.]

[Ignoring you, still examining his body in a perplexed, almost dazed sort of way. That's his shirt, right? Nami-san wouldn't be wearing his shirt (although THAT is a very appealing mental image).]

Shit. No, Zoro, shut up, this isn't Nami-san's body, what—

[Finally lets go of his boobs so he can dig around in his pants pocket -- which are fitting all wrong, by the way, they're tighter in some places and have too much material in others, mostly the length, and just what the fuck alskjdhfs.

Sanji finds the lighter and clicks it on, the flame splashing a little more light across the space between them so that he can frantically examine his hands. Though that doesn't really tell him much, he needs to get a look at his shitty face. He glances up at Zoro, eyes wide.]

Oi, oi, whose body do I got now?

[Not really sure he wants the answer to that, BUT...]

[lifts his head and stares, because now he can see it for himself.

Good god.]

Uh. It's not...nobody...just. [waggles one finger in a little spiral] Still got your eyebrows.

[Sanji watches that little swirly finger motion and his eyes widen even more. Then he's abruptly shoving himself to his feet, though he has to throw his arms out to catch his balance when he pitches forward slightly, and he's about to trip on his damn pants -- he's not short or anything, but there definitely seems to be two to three inches of extra material pooled around his feet now. Not to mention his belt is digging into his hips and the material is tight across his bum and augh.

With an annoyed scowl, he promptly rips the belt off and shimmies his pants down before kicking them off, not really caring where they land. He's left in his boxers, but whatever, doesn't matter, there's more important things.

Like bolting for the bathroom so he can get a proper look at himself in a shitty good mirror.]

.......Holy shit.

[He braces his hands against the sink, leaning forward until his nose practically touches the mirror, his jaw dropping open.]

Holy shit.

[just gonna sit here on the floor for a bit.]

Fuck this world. Seriously.

[MEANWHILE IN THE BATHROOM...

Turning his face every direction as he gapes at his reflection. He brings a hand up, poking warily at his chest (and frowning at the way that button is straining, heads will roll if it pops off), before his gaze drifts lower.

And he swallows.

A few seconds later there might be a very undignified yelp coming from this direction.]

[he is too goddamn tired for this shit, but at the same time, a yelp like that gets his attention. As Zoro hauls himself up to his feet and plods over to see what the problem is now, he tangentially notices that Luffy isn't in his hammock.

Hm.

Nope, one problem at a time. He edges into the doorway.]

What now?

[Turns to give Zoro a pathetic look, one of his hands shoved right down into his boxers though he isn't doing anything, gosh, shitty pervert, get your mind out of the gutter.]

It's gone!!

[WELL REALLY, WHAT DID HE EXPECT.

But no, it's still a surprise somehow.

And also distressing.

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh why.]

[WELP.

One part of him does think well duh.

But another part is equally disturbed by that revelation.

After a very long silence, in which he flushes crimson for a moment and then the color drains, turning his tanned skin ashy, Zoro just turns and leaves the doorway.]

Shit. I don't even know how to deal with this.

[it's probably ten thousand times worse for Sanji, and he knows it, but at the same time, his brain has reached critical overload. No more thinking can happen right now, please reboot your marimo.]

[HUFFS.]

You don't know how to—oi, Zoro! Hey!

[Yanks his hand free and stomps after him, abruptly remembering that it is the middle of the night and maybe he shouldn't be shrieking all over the damn place while his nakama try to sleep.

So he whisper-shouts instead.]

Where the hell are you going??

To sleep.

[in his own hammock, unfortunately.]

Maybe when I wake up it'll all have blown over.

[he doesn't like himself much right now, because his own reactions are teaching him things about himself he didn't know.]

[Sees where Zoro is headed and stops short several feet away, a weird feeling spiking through his chest. He hovers there uncertainly for a moment, wanting to say something but suddenly fearing that he might sound too needy or some shit.

Which doesn't mix well with his current...form. There's an annoying urge to overcompensate for looking like a girl by acting like a MANLY MAN because he is a man, dammit, and he doesn't feel vulnerable or need Zoro by his side or any of that, nope, he's fine.

Totally fine.]

...Alright.

[But he still doesn't know what to do with himself. He eyes his own hammock, but it looks lonely and empty and sad and crawling into it by himself seems strange and jarring when Zoro is such a short distance away. After a beat, he turns toward his locker, pushing a hand through his hair and thinking he could probably smoke like eighteen shitty cigarettes right now so maybe he'll just go hole himself up in the galley or something.

He needs out of this shitty shirt first, though, so he claws at the buttons and then shrugs out of it, his movements jerky. For once in his life, he doesn't want to see any goddamn boobs, so he avoids looking down and instead yanks on the first t-shirt he can find.

It's tighter than he'd like, but fuck it. He'll steal one of Zoro's later, he's got broader shoulders so maybe it'll be a little looser. Then he grabs a pack of smokes and slams the locker door shut, harder than he'd intended, and turns to head outside.]

[he winces at the slam, knowing full well...yes, he could have done better. But he doesn't know how to. He'll owe a thousand apologies in the cold light of day, but for now, Zoro curls up tightly in his hammock.

Sleep, unfortunately, does not come.]

[Sometime after Luffy's post the next morning, Sanji's in the galley getting a birthday party ready for someone who's not actually here to celebrate it...dammit. He's trying hard to be into it, but there's no denying he's in a mood. Hard not to be -- he's still irritated at his shitty body, not to mention uncomfortable, Luffy's running around wearing Usopp's face, and Zoro...

Well, Sanji doesn't really know what to think about that. He's angry, but also mad at himself for being angry. For letting the jerk's attitude last night get to him. The hell does he care if Zoro wants nothing to do with him when he looks like a girl? Sanji doesn't want anything to do with this girly form either, he just can't run away from it like some shitty cowards. Hmph.

Goddammit, he really wants his body back. Nngh.

ANYWAY, he's at the counter, brow furrowed as he furiously mixes some cake batter together.]

[Thanks to Luffy's shenanigans Zoro is in and out of the cabin all morning, hasn't slept much at all. Part of it was definitely the gnawing guilt at his reaction, coupled with his irritation at himself. Does this mean something, or not? How does he really feel? He has absolutely no idea. So, after doing his best to doze and at least rack up an hour's sleep, he comes crawling out and edges sheepishly into the galley doorway to watch.

That girl is definitely Sanji, no doubts, but he still can't reconcile it with his feelings. It's weird. Weird. Fucking weird.

But Zoro has come full circle, and no longer gives no shits when the cook is pissed at him. Now he cares too much, and needs to fix it. So he raps on the door frame to let him know he's there.]

[The knock draws his attention, but Sanji only spares Zoro a brief glance before focusing on stirring again.

He debates just going full-on cold shoulder, but no. He's above that. He can be mature, unlike some assholes.]

If you're looking for your shitty hammock, it ain't in here.

[...Yes. Very mature.]

[Nnnggghhrmph.]

I'm not...ugh.

[He steps fully into the doorway, blocking the light with his bulk.]

It's. The bubbles in the air, isn't it?

How the hell should I know?

[Smacks the bowl down on the counter.]

Could be the damn bubbles. Or I might've breathed the wrong shitty air.

[Bends down to look for a cake pan in the cabinet, banging things around more than he normally would.]

Or maybe it just fucking randomly happened. Does it matter?

Course it matters! Because some of these things wear off and some of 'em don't!

[and he really really hopes this wears off, for Sanji's sake as much as anyone's. He vaguely remembers something about Roxas pissing off a witch and that didn't exactly just...go away.]

Or maybe if we figure out how it happened, we can undo it.

[Oi, oi, Sanji doesn't want to think about this not wearing off, what the fuck?! Although...he can't think of anything that's happened in this shitty world that's lasted more than a week. (He still hasn't talked to Roxas since coming back, so he doesn't even remember all of that.)

STILL, as disturbing as the thought it, Sanji stubbornly blocks it out as a possibility and instead stands up again, pan in hand, and slowly turns to face Zoro so he can give him a dangerous look.]

And if it doesn't wear off? And we can't undo it?

[the usual flush creeps up his neck all over again. No, he can't think of that, because he already doesn't like it.]

Don't say shit like that! It's gotta wear off. It has to. You can't...

[Zoro takes a breath and lets it out in a hard sigh. He's focusing too much on himself, and he knows it.]

You're not enjoying being in that body, are you?

[he remembers Punk Hazard very clearly, cook...]

Of course not!

[Snaps that out immediately, tossing the cake pan onto the counter and then throwing his arms out.]

Look at me, asshole! Does it look like I'm enjoying it?!

[His outfit is a far cry from Nami's skintight jeans and bikini top. Instead he's sporting a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt that's too tight across his chest. Definitely stealing a new one later.

Then there's his hair. It's not any longer than it was before, but somehow there still seems to be more of it. It's thicker or something, he's not sure, but he hasn't put a brush to it yet so it's all over the place.

And Zoro's not the only one who didn't get much sleep last night.]

This ain't my body, I don't want it!

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the following morning~

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