Cold Snap on the Normandy

[psychadrellic]

Who: The crew of the Normandy
Where: Aboard the Normandy SR-NO
When: Backdated to during the cold snap
What: Crew bonding, IDK.
Warnings: PG-13 for potty mouths and horrible innuendo
Style: Probably brackets
Status: Closed & Ongoing; backtags ahoy!
[Start a thread for your character, tag other character's threads, make everything as horrible and as awkward as possible]

Comments

[psychadrellic]

[Oh, Joker, you and your charming colloquialisms.]

Is everything alright?

[Why are you on the floor and not in like, the crew quarters or something?]

[pluggedintheoverlord]

[He will give you a charming foot up your ass in a minute.]

Yeah, Krios, everything is fucking peachy. It's just about fifty degrees below zero out there and I'm covered in a million blankets and still fucking freezing, nothing unusual to report.

[psychadrellic]

[If he can manage to get his foot up Thane's ass, Thane will...IDEK, bake him a cake or something.]

It might be warmer in the crew quarters than out here in the corridor.

[pluggedintheoverlord]

[No, man, he doesn't want your ass cake, he just wants to be warm.]

It's not.

[Joker started out in the crew quarters, but then his blanket burrito moved on to acquire more mass. Now he roams the ship, searching for more to add to his never-satisfied bulk.

Blankets like the one around Thane.

Which wasn't going to be around him for much longer, because Joker just grabbed for it.]

[psychadrellic]

[Uh, Joker, if you're starting a game of tug-of-war with a drell, you're going to lose. Just saying.]

...What are you doing?

[You have fifty million blankets, Joker, why are you trying to steal Thane's.]

[pluggedintheoverlord]

[There is now a blanket burrito hanging off of Thane's blanket.

This did not go as planned.]

I'm cold.

[psychadrellic]

With all those blankets?

[Just sort of standing here stoically, as he does, looking down at Joker clinging to his one lonely blanket and not letting go.]

[pluggedintheoverlord]

...Yes?

[No matter how many blankets he piled on top of himself, he just never got any warmer. It was stupid and didn't make sense.]

Aren't you?

[psychadrellic]

Quite freezing, actually. Hence the blanket.

[The blanket that you're trying to steal. Blanket monster. How could you.]

[pluggedintheoverlord]

Okay, hear me out here.

So I have like thirty blankets here and I'm still freezing, and you're still freezing with your one blanket.

So how about we consolidate and form a blanket alliance. Like a united front against this goddamn stupid weather. And, y'know, you don't kill me with your pinkie or something.

[Says the blanket burrito as he negotiates from his current location on the edge of Thane's blanket.]

[psychadrellic]

[...Well that was an unexpected proposition coming from an unexpected source. Thane blinks as he considers it.

For all of maybe five seconds, because it is really fucking freezing and he's sick and tired of not being able to feel his extremities.]

Your proposal is acceptable.

[Even if it's socially awkward. How do you want to do this, Joker?]

Although in an effort to dispel any concerns, Mr. Moreau, I wouldn't kill you with my pinkie.

It would be much more efficient to use my index finger.

[HAHA, HE'S JUST JOKING, YOU CAN TOTALLY TELL BY HIS COMPLETELY NEUTRAL EXPRESSION, RIGHT? :D]

[pluggedintheoverlord]

[Desperate times call for desperate measures, Thane.

Desperate measures included sharing blanketspace with a deadly drell assassin. He figured Thane probably wouldn't kill him, because Shepard would be upset about the mess.]

I, uh. Yeah. Thanks for that.

[That does not make him feel better about this, Thane.]

Look, just get under here, okay?

[psychadrellic]

[Come on, Joker, Thane doesn't kill people for fun, jeez. And you're a crewmate now! He definitely doesn't kill crewmates.]

You're welcome.

[Well if you insist, here is Thane Krios, the deadly drell assassin, joining Jeff "Joker" Moreau within the confines of his blanket burrito.]

[pluggedintheoverlord]

[And now one burrito has become two. The alliance will grow stronger with more members.]

...Any better?

[psychadrellic]

[HMMmmmmmmmm...!]

Somewhat, yes. You?

[pluggedintheoverlord]

Kinda?

[But he was still cold. :(]

Y'know what, Krios? I think we need a bigger blanket alliance.

[psychadrellic]

[There is a thoughtful pause, as Thane tries not to feel too awkward about leaning right up against Joker, before he lets loose with this little tidbit of wisdom:]

Normal internal temperature for turians runs much higher than for drell or humans.

[pluggedintheoverlord]

So what you're saying is, Garrus should be our next target.

[Joker considered this for a moment. Garrus wouldn't be easy, because he was big and spiky and an asshole. But the potential payoff in body heat was worth risking the wrath of the chilly birdman.]

Okay. Let's do it.