[It's honestly better than Xun Yu expects... although her testimony may yet change that. Her side of events sounds unacceptable to her own ears; it's easy to imagine His Majesty's contempt. Certainly those she has wronged have every right to depise her. She forces emotional distance to let herself speak of it, though her control over her feelings is tenuous.]
The witch, she...
She was innocuous in the beginning. I barely heard her voice in my mind when she started, weightless and wordless as it was. But as the days progressed it grew louder and more persistent. By the time that her words became clear it was too late. She learned my deepest desire... and my deepest flaws.
[Xun Yu doesn't particularly want to go into those in detail even now, personal as they are. If she is pressed she supposes that she will have to. She hopes that it does not particularly matter, because she doesn't know that she's ready to examine it too deeply yet. Just thinking about it upsets her.]
She promised to grant my desire if only I would kill the interlopers in this realm, starting with this crew. [She cringes at the memory of her own levelled threats.] Who would listen to such a ludicrous and sinister proposal? No person of integrity.
I ignored her voice for as long as I could. But she spoke so loudly and frequently, and when her voice fell quiet a lullaby played over and over in my head. I had no reprieve... no escape. Even my dreams were haunted. It wasn't just constant noise. It was a compulsion...! I tried to speak of it, but I couldn't! My warnings dissipated like vapour before they could leave my mouth. I knew that it was consuming me...! I...
[She trails off and momentarily goes silent as she struggles to reign in her distress and push back the choking horror.]
Looking back, it's as if I am watching a waking nightmare. Suddenly it became clear to me that realising her bargain was my only choice. Nothing else was of any importance or value and my early fears no longer existed. It was a desperate obsession. I remember my every action and each decision I made... I set those traps to wear down and distract the crew, before I attempted to sink the ship and kill everyone. I guarded the Witch in her fortress, and I attacked those girls in her golden throne room to defend her.
I had no concept that I was not in my right mind. Just how distorted my judgement became was lost on me then. [If Xun Yu sounds frightened of that – well, she is. Her whole career is built on her judgement. It's never been something she's doubted before. Yet here she is, having been possessed longer than anyone else. What does that say about her?] Captain... I know how foolish it sounds, but while they were my actions, they were not me. Please believe me...!
no subject
[It's honestly better than Xun Yu expects... although her testimony may yet change that. Her side of events sounds unacceptable to her own ears; it's easy to imagine His Majesty's contempt. Certainly those she has wronged have every right to depise her. She forces emotional distance to let herself speak of it, though her control over her feelings is tenuous.]
The witch, she...
She was innocuous in the beginning. I barely heard her voice in my mind when she started, weightless and wordless as it was. But as the days progressed it grew louder and more persistent. By the time that her words became clear it was too late. She learned my deepest desire... and my deepest flaws.
[Xun Yu doesn't particularly want to go into those in detail even now, personal as they are. If she is pressed she supposes that she will have to. She hopes that it does not particularly matter, because she doesn't know that she's ready to examine it too deeply yet. Just thinking about it upsets her.]
She promised to grant my desire if only I would kill the interlopers in this realm, starting with this crew. [She cringes at the memory of her own levelled threats.] Who would listen to such a ludicrous and sinister proposal? No person of integrity.
I ignored her voice for as long as I could. But she spoke so loudly and frequently, and when her voice fell quiet a lullaby played over and over in my head. I had no reprieve... no escape. Even my dreams were haunted. It wasn't just constant noise. It was a compulsion...! I tried to speak of it, but I couldn't! My warnings dissipated like vapour before they could leave my mouth. I knew that it was consuming me...! I...
[She trails off and momentarily goes silent as she struggles to reign in her distress and push back the choking horror.]
Looking back, it's as if I am watching a waking nightmare. Suddenly it became clear to me that realising her bargain was my only choice. Nothing else was of any importance or value and my early fears no longer existed. It was a desperate obsession. I remember my every action and each decision I made... I set those traps to wear down and distract the crew, before I attempted to sink the ship and kill everyone. I guarded the Witch in her fortress, and I attacked those girls in her golden throne room to defend her.
I had no concept that I was not in my right mind. Just how distorted my judgement became was lost on me then. [If Xun Yu sounds frightened of that – well, she is. Her whole career is built on her judgement. It's never been something she's doubted before. Yet here she is, having been possessed longer than anyone else. What does that say about her?] Captain... I know how foolish it sounds, but while they were my actions, they were not me. Please believe me...!