[Riku didn't realize just how hard he was clenching the railing behind him until his grip loosened when Sora finally spoke. Then he winces a bit, letting go completely and bringing his hands around in front to examine them. ...Again, it gives him something else to look at. To focus on. Though he ends up glancing at Sora out of the corner of his eye anyway.
And he looks pretty gobsmacked. It was that much of a surprise, huh?
But...at least Sora hasn't turned tail and run away because of what Riku said. That was the first hurdle, right? He tries to remember that, and to remember that Sora asking questions is probably a good thing.
Even if they're hard to answer.
Riku hums a little as he thinks of what to say, crossing his arms now instead and tipping his head back to squint up at the sky. His heartbeat is going a little crazy and he feels hot all over, but he tries to ignore all that. Shit, he can't believe he told him. Did that seriously just happen? And now Sora wants to know how long it's been...]
I don't know -- forever ago? [Shrugs a bit helplessly.] I think it's always been there in one way or another, I just didn't know it when we were kids. It explains all the pigtail pulling, though.
[He cracks another smile, a touch teasing and self-mocking and fond all at the same time, and steals another peek at Sora before looking away again just as quickly.]
But no, to be honest...I've only just recently kind of put words to it. I spent months letting it bring out all the wrong emotions— [Bitterness, jealously, an almost dangerous possessiveness over the other boy...] And then spent even longer actively trying to ignore it. Right up until a few weeks ago.
[Funny how you can not know what the heck to say and then end up bubbling over with words anyway.]
I guess, though...if I had to really pinpoint a time when I was suddenly aware of it, of feeling like that...it was when you died. I've never felt so wrecked in my entire life, Sora, it was horrible. Seeing that was the worst thing that's ever happened to me. [He draws in a shaky breath and then gives another one of those soft laughs, rubbing his hand across his forehead.] But then you came back and I figured...after everything, we didn't need me throwing that into the mix. And messing everything up. Messing us up.
Besides...you and Kairi. That's the future. [His grin fades and his whole body tenses up as he crosses his arms a little tighter. Just that quickly, the doubts start pouring back in. But...it is what it is. He'd mentally prepared himself for that ages ago.] ...I've always known that.
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And he looks pretty gobsmacked. It was that much of a surprise, huh?
But...at least Sora hasn't turned tail and run away because of what Riku said. That was the first hurdle, right? He tries to remember that, and to remember that Sora asking questions is probably a good thing.
Even if they're hard to answer.
Riku hums a little as he thinks of what to say, crossing his arms now instead and tipping his head back to squint up at the sky. His heartbeat is going a little crazy and he feels hot all over, but he tries to ignore all that. Shit, he can't believe he told him. Did that seriously just happen? And now Sora wants to know how long it's been...]
I don't know -- forever ago? [Shrugs a bit helplessly.] I think it's always been there in one way or another, I just didn't know it when we were kids. It explains all the pigtail pulling, though.
[He cracks another smile, a touch teasing and self-mocking and fond all at the same time, and steals another peek at Sora before looking away again just as quickly.]
But no, to be honest...I've only just recently kind of put words to it. I spent months letting it bring out all the wrong emotions— [Bitterness, jealously, an almost dangerous possessiveness over the other boy...] And then spent even longer actively trying to ignore it. Right up until a few weeks ago.
[Funny how you can not know what the heck to say and then end up bubbling over with words anyway.]
I guess, though...if I had to really pinpoint a time when I was suddenly aware of it, of feeling like that...it was when you died. I've never felt so wrecked in my entire life, Sora, it was horrible. Seeing that was the worst thing that's ever happened to me. [He draws in a shaky breath and then gives another one of those soft laughs, rubbing his hand across his forehead.] But then you came back and I figured...after everything, we didn't need me throwing that into the mix. And messing everything up. Messing us up.
Besides...you and Kairi. That's the future. [His grin fades and his whole body tenses up as he crosses his arms a little tighter. Just that quickly, the doubts start pouring back in. But...it is what it is. He'd mentally prepared himself for that ages ago.] ...I've always known that.