[Marco returns the hug, but switches back to human to give Ikki a more proper hug, a big brother hug holding the other phoenix safe for once. Poor Ikki, always had to be the one sacrificing himself, frustrated when anyone else tried for his sake, trying desperate to kick them away so they wouldn't do it when it was his job. He holds Ikki in his arms hard and just does his best to temper the flames he recognizes so well. Like Ace's. Burned, burned, and forever still burning.]
[When Thatch died, Marco doubted he ever could recover. And he knew worse was coming. Ace had run away, Whitebeard was dying, what was left? The rest of the crew, but it was a duty almost more than a joy.]
[Still. There are days like this. Days where he just winds up laughing at all. It's all so strange. Life, rebirth, the endless cycle. This forest drives him crazy. Every new life in this spring just reminds him of the millions of death that came before it. The deaths no one else can hear but another phoenix. Ace, Thatch, Natsuno, they're dead, so they feel it. The push. As if the forest wants to say your time is done. But it's never done, because Marco and Ikki will always carry it forward.]
You'd be nothing.
[He says it in human without realizing it at first, but it doesn't matter, it's the same thing.] And you're not nothing. You're Ikki, my little brother. Shun's big brother. The others' big brother. You're not nothing, because they desperately need a phoenix, and you're the only one strong enough.
[What does it mean to always hurt? That was Selphie's mistake. The more she started to realize how much he always hurt, the more she realized she couldn't take it away, of course it hurt.]
[Marco roughly holds his hug tighter.]
You don't cause their pain, you take it away. [Back to phoenix language, but it's the kind of thing that can't be said in human.] We're selfish. We want all the pain for ourselves. Isn't that why seeing Selphie hurt, hurt you so much more? Isn't that why it hurts you to watch them hurt and feel so helpless?
[Thatch called it selfish, Marco's masochism. Thatch had always known. That's why he loves Thatch. That's why he needed Thatch so desperately. Marco would always want to absorb everyone else's pain, all of it, and never let them share it. And the more the others wanted him to share it, the more he'd refuse. It wasn't theirs to bear.]
[Even now a little, Thatch is still like that. The darkness devil fruit also takes a lot of pain, and Marco's well aware that he's so fucked up, he's glad Thatch has it. Because it means Thatch shares it with him again, no matter what the other wants.]
The empty nothingness is never better.
[He runs a hand through Ikki's hair, gently ruffling it in the way his Pops always did to him. He can't think of a more soothing gesture, and he doubts one will ever exist.]
[There wasn't life before Whitebeard, there was just nothing.]
[And even now though it hurts, it aches, and it burns, and it's nearly all sorrow and pain, it still is better than the nothing that came before. Even when he's mad and wants to rage at Ace and Thatch for leaving him, for forcing him to be the Captain he never wanted to be, for forcing him to protect the only family left, their dreams, their war, Pops' wars, the islands, all of it, even then, it's better than the nothing.]
Selphie wasn't burned because you tried. Selphie got burned because Selphie tried.
I admire you really. I've never let a woman see that much of me. I've never even let Thatch! The closest I came was how much he saw on his own. You were brave. And I'm sorry Ikki, I'm sorry it hurts.
[He quietly shooshes his brother, and keeps ruffling the hair.] I don't know what will come. One day, it all may return to dust. Isn't that what happens?
But look at this island. Dust or not, it has too many cycles ahead of it for us to jump that far. That's why we hate it. One cycle at a time. We'll just take it one cycle at a time. One season, one day, one cycle.
Someday all my brothers will be gone, and their children, and their children's children, and by then I really hope I can be finished, but for now, let's just go to the next day. Maybe things will change, maybe they won't, but we won't know if we don't get there, yoi.
[He wished Ikki could turn into a bird form, so that it was his turn to carry him. That was why Thatch was always carrying him as a bird. So Marco could just breathe sometimes and let someone else do the carrying. Tomorrow, Marco thinks, he'll make Ace do the carrying. Ace wants to be captain, and Marco has to help him do it. But tonight, Marco wants to carry them all, because his shoulders are broad enough and his flames are bright enough.]
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[When Thatch died, Marco doubted he ever could recover. And he knew worse was coming. Ace had run away, Whitebeard was dying, what was left? The rest of the crew, but it was a duty almost more than a joy.]
[Still. There are days like this. Days where he just winds up laughing at all. It's all so strange. Life, rebirth, the endless cycle. This forest drives him crazy. Every new life in this spring just reminds him of the millions of death that came before it. The deaths no one else can hear but another phoenix. Ace, Thatch, Natsuno, they're dead, so they feel it. The push. As if the forest wants to say your time is done. But it's never done, because Marco and Ikki will always carry it forward.]
You'd be nothing.
[He says it in human without realizing it at first, but it doesn't matter, it's the same thing.] And you're not nothing. You're Ikki, my little brother. Shun's big brother. The others' big brother. You're not nothing, because they desperately need a phoenix, and you're the only one strong enough.
[What does it mean to always hurt? That was Selphie's mistake. The more she started to realize how much he always hurt, the more she realized she couldn't take it away, of course it hurt.]
[Marco roughly holds his hug tighter.]
You don't cause their pain, you take it away. [Back to phoenix language, but it's the kind of thing that can't be said in human.] We're selfish. We want all the pain for ourselves. Isn't that why seeing Selphie hurt, hurt you so much more? Isn't that why it hurts you to watch them hurt and feel so helpless?
[Thatch called it selfish, Marco's masochism. Thatch had always known. That's why he loves Thatch. That's why he needed Thatch so desperately. Marco would always want to absorb everyone else's pain, all of it, and never let them share it. And the more the others wanted him to share it, the more he'd refuse. It wasn't theirs to bear.]
[Even now a little, Thatch is still like that. The darkness devil fruit also takes a lot of pain, and Marco's well aware that he's so fucked up, he's glad Thatch has it. Because it means Thatch shares it with him again, no matter what the other wants.]
The empty nothingness is never better.
[He runs a hand through Ikki's hair, gently ruffling it in the way his Pops always did to him. He can't think of a more soothing gesture, and he doubts one will ever exist.]
[There wasn't life before Whitebeard, there was just nothing.]
[And even now though it hurts, it aches, and it burns, and it's nearly all sorrow and pain, it still is better than the nothing that came before. Even when he's mad and wants to rage at Ace and Thatch for leaving him, for forcing him to be the Captain he never wanted to be, for forcing him to protect the only family left, their dreams, their war, Pops' wars, the islands, all of it, even then, it's better than the nothing.]
Selphie wasn't burned because you tried. Selphie got burned because Selphie tried.
I admire you really. I've never let a woman see that much of me. I've never even let Thatch! The closest I came was how much he saw on his own. You were brave. And I'm sorry Ikki, I'm sorry it hurts.
[He quietly shooshes his brother, and keeps ruffling the hair.] I don't know what will come. One day, it all may return to dust. Isn't that what happens?
But look at this island. Dust or not, it has too many cycles ahead of it for us to jump that far. That's why we hate it. One cycle at a time. We'll just take it one cycle at a time. One season, one day, one cycle.
Someday all my brothers will be gone, and their children, and their children's children, and by then I really hope I can be finished, but for now, let's just go to the next day. Maybe things will change, maybe they won't, but we won't know if we don't get there, yoi.
[He wished Ikki could turn into a bird form, so that it was his turn to carry him. That was why Thatch was always carrying him as a bird. So Marco could just breathe sometimes and let someone else do the carrying. Tomorrow, Marco thinks, he'll make Ace do the carrying. Ace wants to be captain, and Marco has to help him do it. But tonight, Marco wants to carry them all, because his shoulders are broad enough and his flames are bright enough.]
Come on, yoi. I'm giving you a piggyback.