Roxas On The Ship

[heartismyown]

 Who: Roxas, The Spade Pirates
Where: On the ship
When: After arriving at the island, Roxas is trying to catch his bearings on the ship. (December 12)
What: Time for Roxas to make some new friends
Warnings: Questions. Lots of questions.
Style: Any
Status: Closed to crew

Roxas was confused.

This in itself was not that unusual, however it was different. Everything he worried about just days ago seemed to be less of a problem now that he's found himself in a new, somewhat hostile world. He met Riku and followed him to a ship, and today he was just hanging out, trying to get a feel for the place, and maybe unscramble the mess that was his memories.

In the morning, he can be found sitting on the railing overlooking the sea. Roxas looks content doing so, he had a fascination with the water.

In the afternoon, he can be found in the galley getting a snack, or perhaps down below deck, checking out his room and pacing between it and the steps so he can remember where it is.

In the evening, he can be found on deck on his back, staring at the stars.

Comments

Evening

[by_heart]

[Ever since they got on board, Lea has been keeping his distance from Roxas. It's been surprisingly easy, really. It's a big ship with a big crew, so just fading into the background is a piece of cake, especially since it seems like Roxas doesn't want to go looking for him.

He doesn't blame him. There has to be a lot weighing on him, especially since Riku has forced the issue and dumped everything on the poor kid at once. Lea would have been perfectly content to play Axel until they got things sorted out, but in a way it's probably better like this. Sort of like ripping off a bandage.

Except, well, he knows he can't avoid Roxas forever and now seems as good a time as any to rip of his own bandage, so to speak. He makes his way over to where Roxas is laying and flops down next to him, folding his arms behind his head.]

Haven't seen this many stars in a long time.

[heartismyown]

[Roxas glances at him a moment before looking back up at the sky.

He does have a lot on his mind, thanks to Riku. When it comes to Lea though, he's jealous. It's not a feeling he's very familiar with, but it feels so strong. He isn't sure what to make of it. At first when he sits, he contemplates not saying anything, but after a moment, he responds.]

Yeah, I guess so.

[by_heart]

I'd point out some constellations for you, but I guess the stars are different here. I don't see any I recognize.

[This isn't the conversation they're supposed to be having, but at least it's a conversation. He wasn't sure if Roxas would talk to him at all. He probably wouldn't talk to him.]

[heartismyown]

[Roxas is quiet and he finally glances over at him again.]

You have a heart.

[by_heart]

[Ouch.

He nods, eyes never leaving the night sky. What can he even say to that? He has what they all wanted, all tried so hard to regain, and really he doesn't even know why. What's more, no matter what it was that made him whole again, it isn't like it's going to work for Roxas.]

[heartismyown]

Riku told me.

[He fiddles with the hem of his shirt.]

Congratulations. [He's looking anywhere but Lea.]

I feel weird.

[by_heart]

[Lea rolls to his side and pushes up on one elbow.]

Weird how?

[Being concerned for him...at least it gives him something else to focus on for a second. With the whole strange situation they're in, any number of things could have gone wrong. Roxas' existence has never really been all that stable from the start, and now with him in the same place as Sora, who knows what could happen to him.]

[heartismyown]

I don't know.

[He touches his chest, frowning a bit.]

It's like I'm angry at you, but it hurts a little. It's not really angry.

[He closes his eyes.]

I'm not supposed to exist...and Riku says I disappear.

[by_heart]

[Lea rolls back onto his back.]

You're jealous, probably. I would be.

[He debates what to tell him about the rest. Really Riku? It's not like it's not true, but it's still cruel. There's a long silence before he speaks up.]

You're here now.

[heartismyown]

Namine said it too, that I'm not supposed to exist. So why do I exist Axel?

[Roxas finally meets his eyes.]

Doesn't it mean something that I've been alive this long? I didn't ask to exist.

[by_heart]

Of course it means something! [He slams his hand on the deck and sits up.] It doesn't matter whether you're "supposed to" or not! You...

[He slumps, not defeated, but feeling every last bit of the weight of those words. He's always tried to shoulder as much of this as he could for Roxas, keeping what he can from him, distracting him, but here it all is out in the open.]

You're always going to, okay? Here. [He taps his forehead.]

[heartismyown]

Even if I disappear?

[Roxas sounds a little uncertain, maybe insecure. He's not sure Lea would remember him if he left, but he doesn't want to disappear.]

You won't forget me?

[by_heart]

Of course not. What kind of jerk forgets his best friend?

[It's weak, but he manages a smile for him. Usually, this is when he'd reach out and ruffle Roxas' hair, but he's not sure he'll allow it, not yet.]

[heartismyown]

Axel...

[Roxas looks down a bit.]

I don't want to disappear. Do you think that matters?

[by_heart]

[It should matter, but he knows that it didn't in the end. He did all he could, only to have it all end with a promise he never thought either of them could keep. It wasn't fair, had never been fair. To everyone else Roxas was a tool or an obstacle or a means to an end, never a person in his own right. To him, though, he was a friend when he'd needed one more than anything.]

I don't know. I hope so.

[heartismyown]

[Hope, that was a good word. Maybe in this place, maybe he's being given some time. Sora needs him, that's a fact that can't be denied, but maybe a part of him had wanted more time. He knows Riku must have been right, because Lea can't deny it.]

My vacation's not over yet. We can have a little time together.

[It hurts to have a set amount of time left, even if he doesn't know what that is.]

[by_heart]

[Lea nods. It's hard to get the words to come out. This was easier when he didn't have a heart and all he could feel was emptiness and a dull ache where the feelings were supposed to be. Now he knows he has a heart, because it feels like someone is crushing it.]

Maybe we'll get you to the beach after all.

[It would be the least he could do for him, to give him that bit of closure.]

[heartismyown]

[Roxas looks at him again and his expression changes to one that is still sad, but he smiles a little bit.]

I really do want to go to the beach.

[by_heart]

You've only told me that a million times.

[It's easier when Roxas smiles. It's still NOT EASY and he knows it won't ever be, but that smile is always a triumph for him. He's not enough of a sap to say that he remembers every one, but he's got the most important ones filed away.]

At least if we can get you to one, there won't be any more "Tell me about the beach, Axel!" And it's "Lea," by the way. Get that one memorized before everyone else starts calling me Axel because you do.

[heartismyown]

[Roxas sits up and leans forward, his hands on the deck.]

So...what does it feel like to have a heart? Is it good? Did you go to the beach? Oh! Do you get to spent time with other heart-people?

[by_heart]

Whoa, hey, Mr. Mood Swing, take a breath!

[Lea flops back down on the deck, a little overwhelmed by the sudden shift in the conversation.]

If you keep that beach thing up, you're going by yourself.

[heartismyown]

But Axel, you're the only heart person I know now! You have to tell me all about it! I have to know, even if I can't do it too. Please?

[He turns his wide eyes on Lea, pleading.]

Why? Heart people go to the beach! I always wanted to go. Then I dreamed about it sometimes. Now I really want to go.

[by_heart]

Lea. L.E.A. No X. Got rid of that part. Got it memorized?

[It's a tactic he's honed to perfection, just discarding the rest of Roxas' questions in favor of something that might rile him up a bit. It usually works, too. Well, temporarily.]

[heartismyown]

But I like Axel better!

[Roxas grumbles a bit.]

Lea...okay. Got it memorized.

[by_heart]

Much better.

[Lea reaches up and swats at Roxas' head.]

Don't make that face. It's my name. I didn't choose it.