high_seas | (no subject)

Entry tags:

(no subject)

Who: The Crew of The Shepherd
Where: Various locations
When: Month of January
What: General crew log
Warnings: None at the moment; EDIT: attempted homicide, violence, and all around insanity, in accordance with the new event
Style: Whichever you feel like
Status: Closed to crew members

And so, at the beginning of January, the Shepherd set off from Isle Impieze back to Green Breeze Island, intent on revisiting what they'd discovered there; there were new crew members after all (in fact, the crew was almost completely different at this point), so there was more than enough justification for it. It would take some time reaching it, but the ship's supplies were well stocked so that wouldn't be an issue at all.

That wasn't the only change, however. The crew had since elected a new captain, and as such, this voyage was a proving grounds for the new status quo.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[Rikka's been worried herself, though not to quite the same level as Alice; that wind was weird, and everyone's in a bad way. That weird threat of closing their journals wasn't helping, either, and she's got a bad feeling about what could come next. But without any more information than what they had...

...was that Alice at her door? At this time of night? What in the world...? She crosses to her door right away, opening it quickly.]

Alice? Are you okay?

[For a second, Alice shows considerable relief at seeing her.

But it's not like she hadn't seen her at all, right? This wasn't a big ship. Yet it was if in the moment between knocking and the answer, there was this weight of worry on her. As if Rikka might not have been able to answer because terrible things were happening and what if they-

The expression of relief gave way to one of confusion as she put a hand to her head, the very tired looking girl shaking her head.]

I- I'm... Rikka-chan, I--

[She opened her mouth, and for a moment, nothing came out. She just sort of stared blankly, and then--]

...I'm fine, I just... I have not been able to sleep...

[No.

Wait.

That was wrong.

Even as she talked, confusion in her bloodshot eyes that combined with her words must have made her look downright delirious, she knew she wasn't saying the words she wanted to say.]

Edited 2014-01-07 05:10 (UTC)

[Okay, this is getting weird... She does look like she can't sleep, but there's something... more. Alice looked more like she was... haunted. Losing it. And that didn't make any sense after the last few weeks. She'd worried about that weird wind with the petals, sure, but so had Rikka. And maybe it was habit after everything, but Rikka trusted Mana would get them through, as she always did. That much had always satisfied the heiress, too.

So what was tearing Alice apart?]

That can't be all it is. You look terrible... Come inside, before you freeze out there. We can talk as long as you want.

[She reaches for Alice's hand, not bothering to ask first - one of the nice things about a relationship like theirs was that nobody thought ill of you for being forward. Not with Mana as a point of the triangle.]

[At the least, Alice did as asked. However, as she took her hand, it only took a second for Alice to grip it back. A bit too quickly, and while not enough to hurt, enough that it was very firm and obvious she didn't want to let go.]

N- no, I suppose it's...

[She knows what this is. Dog all but confirmed it. She could feel it coming. She could hear it, in the back of her head...]

I- I'm worried...

[Her eyes dart around a bit. No, that was true. That was very much true. Yet she finds herself questioning everything that comes out of her mouth mentally, already knowing that she can't get out exactly what she needs to.]

The weather, those petals, that... voice... I don't know what's happening- [She mentally reprimands herself. Yes you do, and that alone being lost on her tongue is enough to almost drive her up the wall. She at least looks frustrated.] -but... I'm afraid...

[She looks at Rikka now. There is fear in Alice's eyes, but from what's going on in her head, not the words she's speaking.]

What if something happens, like before... If- if what happened to you before I came here was just the start... I- I said I would protect you both from that sort of thing...

[Whoo, tense. That much communicates immediately, but Rikka's starting to wake up a little more, and the disconnect between Alice being about ready to snap and this steady, unsolvable concern was still present. If Alice wasn't ready - or able - to talk about whatever it was that concerned her so much, all Rikka could do was try and drill down to the root of the problem.]

Take it easy. We don't know what's going to happen, but we'll be all right. Together, we can do anything, right?

[Leading her friend over to her (unmade, but still warm-ish) bed, she gets Alice to sit down, taking the space next to her and settling in close. The girl's worries were totally valid, and Rikka felt bad about it being an issue in the first place, but... that probably wasn't entirely what this was about. Still, she could work on the issues she could see first, and get to the others when Alice was ready.]

I doubt that will happen again... and even if it does, we're smarter now. And we've got each other to lean on. I've got total faith in you, Alice. You've never let us down before. Not when it counted. And you're only getting stronger. [Except for the whole things on the ship, and that was her own fault for being an idiot.] So, really... don't worry about it. We'll be okay, whatever happens. Right?

[Alice follows along with her, though it'd probably be easy to lead her about anywhere right then, at least for Rikka or Mana.

She knows she's right. Of course she is. It's Rikka. That's why she'd come to her. Rikka was the smartest person she knew. But the part of her mind who KNOWS she's right somehow feels so distant. Like her worries were being pulled out by that little, annoying voice in the back of her head...]

Y- you're...

[Right. Rikka is RIGHT. Alice had said as much herself before, hadn't she?]

You couldn't... control that before, though... What if I was wrong when I came here...? You were going to be hurt no matter what anyone did, Mana-chan would be upset no matter what anyone did...

How can we fight that?

[Or perhaps it's not so much the worry being drawn out as what she wants. What she promised. What she wanted more than anything after admitting how she felt.]

How can I fight that...? I promised you both... I have to be able to protect you, but if something happens like that... If I was there, I don't even know how I'd have done that then...!

You are the last person that should be worrying about being in control of herself. That time... [Yeah, still not totally comfortable with that. She wraps her free arm around herself, trying not to let it bother her too much.] That time, you're right, I couldn't control myself. Whatever that was, it was more than I could handle.

But things like that aren't common, here. And even then... I will be hurt sooner or later. Mana will be upset sometimes. That's just how life is. What we can do is be there for each other, so we don't have to deal with those things alone. So we can make those things hurt less. So we can be back to normal faster, and laugh about it and put everything behind us.

[She smiles lightly, hoping she's making enough sense. This early - 2 AM, if her frog clock was to be believed - she was only half-lucid, but half was less than Alice deserved, so she was doing her best to clear the fog out.]

I know I said I was counting on you to protect us. And we are. But the three of us are human. We can mess up sometimes. We're not running at a hundred percent all the time. And we can't fix everything. I appreciate that you want to protect us, and that you're worried you won't be able to. But I think- aaaaah... [She yawns wide, belatedly getting a hand over her mouth.] Sorry. I think you're worrying too much, Alice. Nobody can have all the answers. You do the best you can, and if something happens, we'll deal with it. I don't demand perfection. I can't ask for that. If you can promise me you'll try your best, you're doing everything I could ask for. Do you... understand?

[Rikka's faith in them all was gratifying. Knowing that she was in this state of mind now, compared to when Alice had arrived... There was a part of Alice where she was really happy for that fact. Or she would have been, in better circumstances. The rational part of her just wanted to thank Rikka for being herself, for talking to her, for being here for her.

But the rational part of her... was shrinking more and more. That call in her mind was becoming stronger and stronger. There was nothing RATIONAL about what was going on in her head right then. She already couldn't control her own voice enough to TELL Rikka what was actually happening to her.

How long until the rest of her followed? And why couldn't she just head off, now, before she ran the risk of being the one to hurt people?

What she wanted... That overwhelming desire to protect these people she had promised to stand by, the people that she loved...

How was it that, of all things, was feeling so dangerous?]

I... I understand what you're saying... but...

[Her grip on Rikka's hand tightens considerably.]

I can't accept that... even if it is not common, I cannot accept that something out there could take you both from me...

[She looks at her with a fierce but somewhat maddened look.]

And not be able to control it. I won't let that happen. You... you understand, right, Rikka-chan...? It's only because I love you two...

[The pain of her hand being crushed doesn't win out over the cold, dangerous realization that Alice has suddenly become very, very dangerous; the two combined finally snap Rikka to clarity, and she's spooked now. If she's seeing the world as a persistent threat to her and Mana, then Cure Rosetta will become an angel of death. There's no question about it. Her "protection" will doom everyone that dared to look at them wrong. Despite herself, Rikka's starting to tremble a little.]

Alice... please, stop this. I'm not in danger. I don't want you to be like this... you're scaring me. I- [She stops, and swallows hard.] I admit that I don't want to die, but this isn't how to protect me! You're going to really hurt someone like this...!

[First, the trembling comes to Alice's attention, then Rikka's words words. She reels back as if she'd been bitten, releasing Rikka's hand fearfully.]

S- scaring you... No, no... Rikka-chan, I- no, that's the last thing I want!

[She herself is starting to shake, tears welling in her eyes, her mind swirling into even further confusion. What had seemed clear a moment before is now becoming an even bigger jumbled mess in her head, and she doubles over. Her hands wrap around her own head and she begins muttering to herself.]

Y- you are in danger, we all are... so long as we don't have control over what this place can do to us... I- I don't want to scare you, I don't want to be the one to upset you... I don't want to hurt anyone...

[At some point now, she can't even remember why she came there. What had she even been wanting to tell Rikka? It was something, but... it was all clouded now.

She then raises her head up a bit, staring forward a bit absently, though tears were still dripping down her cheeks.]

I won't... unless they hurt one of you...

Oh, Alice... [This hurt to watch. Something was eating her from the inside out, and Alice was... not at all herself. But she still stubbornly clung to the one thing she knew she could do, and now it was being used against her. Rikka could admit she had no idea what was going on, but whatever it was, it was bad, and it needed a solution fast. It wasn't just a crisis of personality or anything - if that were the case, Alice would have opened up to Rikka, with their relationship as it was. No, this was something entirely different.

Reaching out gently and pulling the girl to her, she sighed.] Okay. I'll be careful. I don't want you to get blood on your hands for me, all right? And if I have to sit on the beach every day to make sure that happens, I will. Whatever it takes... I don't want anything to tear us apart. If nothing else calls you away, though, I'd like it if we could spend some time down on the island. With Mana, or just us. Whichever works out. We can just relax and take it easy, and try not to think about all this. Does that sound good?

[Alice's eyes widen, and the next moment she finds herself clinging desperately to Rikka as she's pulled closer. She was worried for both of them, but... Rikka. Rikka was the one who was affected then, right? Mana was only hurt helping her. If she could keep Rikka safe, then Mana would be safer too, right?

That... made sense, didn't it...?

She still shook as she clung to Rikka, clenching her tear-filled eyes shut.]

S- so long as Rikka-chan stays safe, yes... That may be fine...

[For the moment. The gnawing in her mind was still there. That voice was still rising in her head. She feels that worry still rising, and dangers all around. A part of her knows if she's left to dwell on it, the feeling will only get worse and worse. But if she could just... keep her safe...

Yes, that might be good. For now.]

[Well, this was a little better than when she'd started. Alice was shaking now, too, but it was better than what she'd been expecting. Worlds better.]

Perfect. I'm glad to hear that. [She yawns wide again.] I don't know about you, but it's two in the morning... I'm really tired. Do you think you'll be able to sleep? Or... would it help if you stayed here for the night?

[She feels her face heating up a little, but mostly it just seems like the right thing to do. If Alice is concerned for her safety, the best solution would be to offer to let her stay somewhere that she has the best possible shot to fend off threats. Right?]

[Alice nods in response, almost frantically. Truth be told, getting her to release Rikka right then and there would have probably taken the jaws of life, or at least something with Cure level strength.

Yes, if she protected Rikka from harm, it would protect Mana as well... Rikka was the one this world had sunk its horrible curse into before, she was the one in the most danger, and no amount of rationally explaining to her now would convince her it wasn't all but assured to happen again.]

Y- yes, if I... if I could...

[She shudders a bit. She still is trying to remember why she came there in the first place, or what was even going on with her. Whatever it was, she couldn't voice it to Rikka, but the fact she couldn't was rapidly slipping away. She just knew what she had to do and...]

I'm- I'm really scared, Rikka-chan...

[She says that last part in a shaky voice, clearly on the verge of a sob. It is true, as well. Regardless of anything else, it's probably the most untainted thing she's said since knocking on Rikka's door.]

I know. I know, Alice. I'm scared, too. I'm just hiding it a little better. ['Even if we're not scared of the same things right now,' her mind adds helpfully.] It'll be okay... I promise. Everything will work out, and this will pass. Everything will be back to normal soon.

[She's lying through her teeth. This will keep happening, month after month. They will never be truly safe. Things will come up, they'll have to be dealt with, and until they are this will happen again. But if she kept telling herself it would be okay, maybe she'd start to believe it eventually.

In any event, she can feel herself starting to slow down, and she smiles a little more.]

I'll keep you safe tonight, Alice. Try to calm down... and try to get some sleep, okay? We've got a long day in front of us tomorrow.

[Unless Alice objects, Rikka's going to slide over and finally get around to that sleep thing. But she'll keep her arms wrapped around Alice like a pillow, trying to take at least a little comfort that, whatever else happens, it's still her at some base level. No matter how hard the world tried to break them apart... they were still themselves. Nothing could break their bond.

Right?]

[Alice just clings to her, in a very clear and possessive manner. She doesn't object as Rikka lays down, and just holds herself close to her.

But keep HER safe? No, Alice knew, Rikka is the one who needs to be kept safe. But it WILL be a long day, yes...]

Yes, it'll be okay, Rikka-chan...

[She closes her eyes and curls up beside her.]

I'll make certain of that...

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only