high_seas | Any port in a storm...

I'm not talking about hunting anyone down.

[It's hard -- to hard -- to maintain the perfectly firm line looking at Tamaki while he cries.

There are certain sights Kyouya can only just bear, ones he can hope he'll never see again. And that is one of the worst.

But he maintains eye contact, actually leans forward to rest his forehead against Tamaki's. It's too close, too fond a gesture. Too intimate. But this subject is a knot in his chest.

Because there's fear. A different kind of fear than he's ever known. Mortal fear.]

If it was me, Tamaki? If it is? If something happens that I fall under her sway?

Get someone who can do it.

Because if she gets to me, I will try and hurt you all. I might even manage it. And I do not want to live with that knowledge.

I would rather die than put you in danger.

Do you understand?

[Once the danger is over, once life resumes being as normal as it can here, they won't discuss this. He'll never mention this conversation again.]

[Tamaki leaned his forehead closer. Still his tears would not stop even with the comfort of Kyouya's warmth. He listened to Kyouya's words, but he would not allow himself to be swayed by his words. Always he said 'yes' to Kyouya. Always he believed in his plans and the way they flawlessly designed their future. But this was a totally different matter.

Perhaps it was longer than a minute, but Tamaki was silent except for some audible gasps for breath.]

I have lost my mother, with a slim chance of ever seeing her again. My father I rarely see outside of formal engagements. I have a grandmother whom I'm not sure will ever see me as her grandson...

...I don't have anyone else aside from you and the rest of our friends, Haruhi, Hikaru, Kaoru, Mori-sempai and Honey. Whether you break all my limbs, my ribs, my spine or my head, nothing could be more painful than losing you Kyouya...

[A world without Kyouya? That would be the most cruel blow in the life of Tamaki. As if he was born to only have things taken away from him.]

I will die first before I allow anyone to touch you!

Edited 2014-01-18 15:50 (UTC)

[He can dismiss most of Tamaki's reactions. When he gets melodramatic, when he tries to be charming... it never really matters. Kyouya can quietly shake his head and move on.

But those tears make it impossible to hold Tamaki's gaze.

So, Kyouya shifts his head a bit. He bows it beside Tamaki's, nearly on his friend's shoulder. He can feel how close to not only a surrender on this issue it is but a complete one. How close he is to letting the tension in his shoulders snap, to letting himself collapse with worry and fear and doubt.

He's been uncertain about his place in his friends' lives as they get older, yes, but he's never utterly doubted his ability to help them. Here? Here, he is powerless and can only hope Dog survives along with the rest of them to make her promise a reality. Her promise of some kind of hope.

The words are familiar, but the tone... is one of simple concession.]

You're such an idiot.

[It means so many things, that simple statement. All he can do is hope it says enough.]

[He tried to push his tears back. Hearing those words from Kyouya was somewhat comforting. Though his shoulders and arms were still sore, he spread his arms around Kyouya, to give him a warm embrace and allow Kyouya to rest his head on his shoulders. His slender fingers gently stroking his friend's raven hair.]

But I'm Daddy... and you're still my Mommy..

...we'll never be alone, you and I.

[His first reaction is to pull away. His second is to try and talk sense into Tamaki. But he settles for his third reaction: to simply allow it.

Just another part of the dream Tamaki still lives in. A part he'll let him have until the day comes that it's time to quietly step back. Let someone better suited to the task take his place.

Someone capable of returning this warmth. Someone deserving of it.

It will be a slow process, he knows. He's pretty sure it's already started. Here... it's different. It won't progress like it would at Ouran. This chaotic world has either bought him more time or robbed him of some of it. It's impossible to say. But sooner or later, Tamaki will rely on someone else, not on him.

But that day isn't here yet, so Kyouya can let himself play along. Pretend like he can believe his own act.]

We'll never be alone.

[He gives Kyouya a quiet and long embrace. This was something that Tamaki had missed since the cold disappeared. There's still that warmth in Kyouya, though Tamaki knows he is suppressing it, he knows its there. Kyouya is warm, not like Tamaki, but in a different way. And Tamaki enjoyed it.

He continued stroking Kyouya in a similar fashion as he would Antoinette when her emotions were overwhelming her.]

Of course not. Because until our hair turns fabulously grey, we will still be together.

[It's not something they talk about. Mostly because... Well. This place has had its challenges since the first day Tamaki arrived. Even when things were good, there was always something else to do.

But now... Now, maybe it's time to admit to something he normally just pushes under the rug.]

I won't stop you. If you decide to leave again.

[If he'd thought for even a moment that Tamaki was happy to go to France with the heir of Grand Tonnerre, he wouldn't have let any of their friends interfere, either.

He still wondered, when he really considered what they'd cost Tamaki, if it hadn't been too selfish to stop him.]

[The blonde leaned on Kyouya's shoulders. His violet eyes wandering of into a short daze as he thought about his grandmother's mandate and wishes. More importantly, there was a woman whom he loved so much more than himself. The person whom he thinks about the moment his eyes open and until his eyes fall into a deep slumber. The woman who drives his every being.

However, he also had to consider the feelings of another woman...]

I think about it, I can't lie..

...but how can I be so selfish. For me to achieve my dreams and my desires and prevent her from finding true happiness in somebody else. I'd be a very cruel person...

[A woman Kyouya had thought long and hard about. He's powerless in this world, but not in the one they know. If they ever get back... Well, he has the real power in the Otori Group now, even if no one but his family knows it. That is a power that allows him to rival the Suoh matriarch.

That might well allow him to take his friend to France, defy that woman. He won't promise that, not yet. He still... hasn't figured out how to tell the others what he did with the Otori Group.

But--]

And you deserve better.

[He tries to keep his voice light, tries to sit back enough to let Tamaki see him smile. Even if it is a poor expression, exhausted and almost stressed.]

I hope you know I don't care what your family decides. I'm not letting you get married to someone I think is unsuitable.

[It's a serious topic, one that's always on his mind. That Tamaki, at least, will marry, and he'll marry for love. And that will hurt.

But it's a better topic than they've been on, and he can promise him that. That he's going to be an interference in the Suoh Group's matchmaking until he's satisfied with the girl, too. Until Tamaki's in love.]

You think so?

[The words came out with the utmost disbelief masked with a slight bit of cheerfulness as not to worry his friend. After all, what did Tamaki deserve? Did Tamaki really deserve anything good in this life?

Everyday Tamaki has to wake up and force that usual smile on his face as to hide the fact that Tamaki has barely anything to look forward to. Every day, every little kindness shown to him shall be reciprocated with the most appreciative smile. Because this little bits of kindness already mean so much to the person who thinks he deserves none of it.]

[That brings out a short smile on the face of the host club king. He was so happy that he couldn't help but jump at Kyouya, even with all the pain he was feeling that very moment. He simply had to hug his friend.]

Thank you, Kyouya~!!

[Kyouya knows that tone. He's a master of it himself.

Smile at everyone. Be warm and polite. Never disappoint the people who won't even give you more than a glance. The family that's supposed to be all important. If you make them look at you twice, it's because you've done something wrong. Blend into the background, never stand out, neither to excel or to disappoint. Follow the path and try to find acceptable ways to show your promise, even though every turn is blocked.

An accident of birth means you deserve it. You deserve to be overlooked. You deserve to be considered useful, not promising.

Until someone comes along with a bright smile. Someone who doesn't notice the family name. Who doesn't care about the influence. Who doesn't want to be pandered to. Who just wants to see who you really are. Who wants to be impressed and disappointed. Who makes you laugh and cry and rage just so he can see that you're human. Who offers you a hand when everyone else isn't even watching you drown but has turned their backs.

That person -- who will see worth where there have been repeated attempts to stamp it out -- deserves everything. And gets it. Gets the familial loyalty. Gets the fierce devotion. Gets the protective drive.

Which is why Kyouya allows the hug, even wraps his arm loosely around Tamaki's shoulder to mutter in his ear:]

Don't hurt yourself, moron.

[Perhaps the silver lining of this situation was the fact that here, the two of them were normal people. In their world, they were two of the greatest actors of all time. No one can see past their smiles. Students begrudged the twins for having their own world. But the truth was, all of them had their own worlds which they allowed only few to see. The most horrible world that's been like a prison and a haven to each one of them.

Everyone would usually just see their charming smiles, their elegant movements and their money and power. No one was ever allowed to see the pain and the agony that came with their birthright.

However, his makeshift family was a different thing all together. As if like magic, the lonely prince was drawn to those people who suffered in the same way he did. Hoping that together, they can make their individual worlds a better place.

So he simply leaned his body against his friend, the smile still lingering on as he spoke gently.]

...you'll always be here to take care of me anyway.

[The world of the twins was exceptional only because others could see it. There was something they weren't allowed into. The Hitachiin twins were an entity unto themselves. With individuals, it was harder to tell. No one saw the walls built by Kyouya Otori and Tamaki Suoh.

The Host Club was... something like a garden, built around their individual castles. Let people in but only so far as they wanted them. Give the illusion that they were welcoming others into their worlds. When, in actuality, they still had many of those walls.

They'd just learned to pass through a few.

And yet... The personas they showed were truer to themselves than they let others see normally. A mask on top of a mask that reflected the reality underneath. Tamaki was utterly charming, hiding someone terrified to be alone, but who had the best heart Kyouya had ever seen. His own 'type.' Cool and reserved, aloof but still devoted. Wasn't that more like he really thought he was than what he wanted people to see? It was strange, and he didn't try to understand it.

He can't help but chuckle, hoping the waver in him doesn't come through in that sound. His voice comes almost teasing.]

I'll have to give your wife pointers on how to handle you, then.

[Rarely did anyone ever get through their invisible walls. And Tamaki would like to think that Haruhi was an exception simply because there was a momentary lapse in their barrier of their own accord. But certainly the barrier grew weaker as they spent more time with each other. But still, there remained the barrier that did not allow everyone else in their garden without their permission.

Tamaki let out a short chuckle upon hearing Kyouya's words. Yes, it still remained that one day Tamaki had to have a wife. Somehow the thought of a partner for life was an easier one to digest.]

It'll be very hard to match your expertise on the matter after all...

She'll have to be beautiful. Intelligent, determined, warm.

[Everything his friend deserved. Someone who loved with all their heart, just like he did. Someone with nothing to hide. Someone who didn't have to be hidden.

An openly declared love that would flourish a little stronger every year, not something that had to be hidden more and more as Tamaki aged. A match so perfect even the Suoh Group would see that it simply had to be and allow it to happen without protest.]

The perfect princess for the prince.

Yes...

[There was a thoughtful smile on Tamaki's face before he spoke once more. After all, those attributes were very familiar to the host club king.]

...someone like you!

[Tamaki sees something different in him. Kyouya's always known that. It might be a delusion or perhaps it's just the angle. Whatever it is, Tamaki has some different idea of him than what Kyouya sees when he really looks at himself.

Because if he had to admit it, he'd explain that half the reason (besides knowing it wouldn't make Tamaki happy) he'd fought against Eclair taking Tamaki away was because he wouldn't allow someone so like himself to have Tamaki. She was intelligent, and he'd never deny he was, too. She was ruthless, too, willing to say and do anything to keep something she wanted. Determination, yes. She had all the traits needed to balance Tamaki, but she -- and Kyouya saw it of himself, too -- lacked the heart.

She could never have loved him in the full measure he deserved.]

I don't know about that.

[He kept his tone light. He couldn't let his closest friend know that those words hit too close to home, almost hurt.]

But when you're ready? I'm going to make sure you find the best.

[Someone better than him. Someone who feels everything and expresses what they feel. Not someone who's hidden themselves away from the world. Not someone who looks at everyone and thinks, first and foremost, "How useful can you be to me?"

He'll lose Tamaki one day. Probably to Haruhi. It's been coming since the first day they met. But that's a loss he can stomach. That's someone who deserves Tamaki.]

[Tamaki looked up to Kyouya, with a soft frown on his face.]

You're so thoughtful. Thinking of me so fondly...but do I really deserve it?

[Does he really deserve happiness? Does he deserve love? When he finds love, can he actually keep it?]

If I were to ask you... do you think I'm someone you can marry. Me, the illegitimate child of a Suoh?

Do you know why I put up with you? At first. Why I let you close when I kept everyone else at bay?

[It's not something he's proud of, not now. But if Tamaki has somehow convinced himself or been convinced by his family that he is somehow not valuable, even from a purely business standpoint...

That is being taken care of right now.]

I had no interest in a friend. But my father told me to get along with you.

If you're concerned about... not being important? You are the only heir to the Suoh family, legitimate or not. As much as your grandmother likes to pretend she's in a position to deny you? Everyone else knows the truth.

Unless that old woman wants to see her company bought up by an outsider -- likely a foreign outsider, with the way business is going -- you are her only option.

And losing that company? She'd rather see it go to her son's illegitimate child than face that shame.

[Calm and ruthless. A woman who had been studied and summarily dismissed.]

Besides, in five years time, if the paperwork to make your father her successor and you his isn't complete... the Otori Group will have no more dealings with the Suoh Group.

Provided you want the Suoh Group, of course.

[He's tipping his hand, letting Tamaki see the ace.

This isn't about business, he knows. The worth Tamaki wants to know about is something much deeper. But... first, he can address the top issue. Then... Then he'll look below.]

That's true...

[He lets out a heavy sigh. Kyouya had a gift of always studying situations like this very well. But it barely gave the host club king any comfort to hear any of that. So he had to ask again.]

...if I had none of that. If I was completely disowned and nothing more than a commoner, Am I still of any value to you?

[Kyouya's answer does not come right away. In fact, he's quiet for several moments.

Because a quick answer is insincere. A reply without basis means nothing. It's something he has to consider, has to examine, and has to articulate.

Finally:]

Yes.

[It's said very quietly. Something he can barely believe he's saying. He likes to pride himself on utility. Even the club has its uses.

And yet, like Haruhi once pointed out, not every use is measured in money and reputation.]

You're still the person who saw six very lonely people -- people so alone they didn't even know they were lonely -- and made a seven-person family.

You're a person who didn't like the world around them. Who wasn't satisfied with the family you were born to. So you crafted what it was you wanted.

You're the one who taught us that was deserve to be happy.

You've helped so many people, Tamaki. No matter what anyone else tells you, you matter. To all of us.

To me.

[That brought happy tears in Tamaki's eyes, which made him lunge at Kyouya. It was more than a few minutes, but Tamaki just embraced Kyouya quietly. Someone actually saw through his actions. Someone actually understood. That was all Tamaki wanted, someone who understood everything behind all the smiles and the madness.]

You are very important to me too. All of you.

...I don't want to lose this family. I don't want any of you to be taken away from me. I'm sorry...

[Kyouya put an arm carefully around Tamaki, holding onto him gently. He didn't want to injure the other boy too much, but he kept moving.

It wasn't hard, really, to see through Tamaki's actions with the club. He'd honed in on the people he saw around him who needed people to care about them.

Honey-senpai, who hid who he was. Mori-senpai, who followed Honey. Hikaru and Kaoru, who had practically raised themselves. Haruhi, who had never been surrounded by family. Him, who was never good enough for his family.

He'd pulled them all together, knit them into a cohesive whole.]

We'll grow apart. All of us. But that doesn't mean we have to lose each other.

I know...

[There was a short pause, before he just completely leaned his body and his head on the other boy. The thought was devastating for Tamaki.]

...I wish we never have to.

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