[Log || 003]

[darknessinside]

Who: Riku & Natsuno
Where: Crow's nest on the Sun.
When: February 17th, after the Valentine's Day candy craziness.
What: Talking, a confession, and we'll see where it goes.
Warnings: None, I think.
Style: Action.
Status: Closed.


[Riku probably should've done this sooner, but the past couple of days have been a little crazy with the candies making everyone go bonkers and then Ace having them set sail all of a sudden. He hasn't been avoiding talking to Natsuno...not really.

...Maybe a little.

But he knows Natsuno is scheduled for watch duty right now, so it seems like as good a time as any. He makes his way over to the Sun from the Moon, then climbs up to the crow's nest and pokes his head over the edge.]

Boo.

Comments

[reluctantjinrou]

[He hadn't realized the hope he'd been feeling because it feels like the ground has been taken out from under him, his heart in his stomach.]

I see.

[darknessinside]

[Wince. Massive wince. He cracks an eye open, then opens both and sits up straighter so he can lean forward a bit. He wants to move over there, closer to Natsuno, but doesn't.]

I can't not.

[His voice sounds a little more desperate than he'd like, like he's looking for approval or something, but he knows that's not Natsuno's job to give it to him. This is a decision he has to make by himself, and then he has to own up to it.]

It doesn't mean anything is going to happen, it's just...a conversation we have to have. But I don't think you should have to wait around while we figure things out. I can't ask you to do that.

[reluctantjinrou]

[He feels like it's partly his fault for being in this position. He has been over-invested in Riku. He'd let him in much further then perhaps he should have, but he hadn't taken into account that this would happen.]

It isn't like I have anywhere to go.

[He's frowning though.]

I didn't think I was...some kind of back up, I mean. I should've...I don't know. I didn't think it would come to this, you confessing to Sora. Perhaps I was a little naive.

[darknessinside]

You're not.

[He says it immediately, then huffs a little.

Screw it, he's moving closer.

He slides forward, kneeling in front of Natsuno and meeting his eyes.]

Sorry if it looks that way, but that's never how I thought of you. Sora wasn't even—I don't know how to say this without it coming out all wrong.

[Chews on his lip for a moment, thinking.]

He wasn't an option. He was never going to be an option because I wasn't going to tell him. He's my best friend, that's it, that's what I accepted before I even got to know you. I screwed up when I kissed him, alright, I know that, and now I have to explain myself, but it's not...it's not really a confession. I don't think.

[Scrubs a hand through his hair.]

I mean, am I supposed to pretend it didn't happen? I can't change what we did, it's too late for that. I thought...dealing with it would be the best next step.

[reluctantjinrou]

[Natsuno swallows.]

But now he is an option or something like that. I could...understand if you were sitting here telling me you want to be with me, but you aren't doing that.

[Why wasn't he doing that? Didn't Riku like him? He shoves the questions as far down as he can.]

[darknessinside]

[Deflates a bit.]

...I don't know if he is or not. Either way, I think I need to take a step back and sort my own head out.

[Peers at Natsuno, brow furrowed.]

And I guess I just assumed you'd hear all that and not want to be with me anymore. But...you do?

[reluctantjinrou]

You're an idiot.

[Natsuno frowns at him. He's trying to think of how to put it.]

And I'm mad, don't get me wrong. You kissed him, you didn't go sleep with him or anything. Never mind my own feelings for you are...

[He sighs.]

What do you think of me here? I mean...

[He's trying so hard to let Riku decide, it's killing him.]

[darknessinside]

Yeah, I know.

[Rubs the back of his neck as he considers that question.]

I think... Natsuno, you're really important to me. You were even before we started dating. You know, we were tossed into this weird world with a bunch of people we didn't know and you were one of the first people I became friends with. You're still one of the few I'm actually close with. Whatever happens, I don't want to lose that.

[Lets out a breath.]

That's probably selfish.

[reluctantjinrou]

It is.

[Natsuno frowns at him and sighs. His luck is tremendously bad. He rakes a hand over his face, shaking his head a little bit. ]

First of all, you don't get to decide how I feel about anything. Let me just tell you that right now. That's what makes you an idiot. Making assumptions...I don't know.

[He's quiet for a moment. His voice is quiet when he does answer.]

So you'd...rather be friends? Is that it?

[darknessinside]

[Holds his hands up.]

Alright... Okay, so it was a bad assumption. I've never done this before. The first boyfriend thing, and then...the kissing another guy while still with the first boyfriend...thing. All firsts. Really, I'm off to a great start.

[...Right, now isn't the time for dumb humor. Riku shakes his head, drumming his fingers against his knees.]

...Sorry. Look, it's not that that's what I'd rather. I just. I feel like it's the right move.

But if you don't—I mean. What are you thinking? Do you want to punch me or something? Because seriously, feel free.

[reluctantjinrou]

I try to reserve my punching you for when I'm in a good mood.

[Natsuno swallows and takes a trembling breath.]

I'm thinking a lot of things. I'm mad at you, I'm mad at myself. I'm wondering what the hell just happened here, what did I do?

[A sharp intake of breath, his voice cracks a bit.]

I find myself thinking how stupid I am, thinking you'd want me, because all this time that is the one thing you haven't said. A few minutes isn't enough to destroy the fact I l-like you.

[darknessinside]

You didn't do anything, why would you think that? This is my fault, I'm the one who did something stupid.

[He's right, though. That's the one thing he hasn't said and he only realizes it when Natsuno points it out.]

...I guess I came up here thinking there could only be one outcome. But what happened didn't destroy the fact that I like you, either. And it didn't make me not want you.

[Shifts his gaze to the side, and the next words are quiet when they come.]

But it did make me hopeful. If I'm being honest. And that...that pretty much makes me an asshole.

[reluctantjinrou]

[His answer is just as quiet.]

You're hoping it works out with Sora?

[darknessinside]

[Slight head shake.]

I haven't even thought that far ahead yet. I meant when he kissed me.

[Somewhat helpless shrug.]

It got my hopes up.

[reluctantjinrou]

Well I...I have to ask you to think that far ahead Riku. Who do you want to be with?

[He sounds a bit more forceful, as though he's bracing himself.]

Don't regret your choice, whatever it is.

[darknessinside]

[Snorts lightly.]

Too late to have no regrets.

[Presses the heel of one hand against his eye, making a disgruntled sound.]

You're going to make me choose. Maybe it's neither of you. Maybe I really do want to sort out my head first. And figure out where my heart is.

[reluctantjinrou]

[He sighs softly.]

That isn't how I meant it...but if you don't want to be with me, I can't very well make you.

[A tear escapes from his eye and he wipes it with the heel of his hand.]

[darknessinside]

It's not that I don't want to...

[But the words are barely a whisper, because he's just repeating himself at this point. The problem is he doesn't know what he wants.

Except for somehow, magically, no one to get hurt in all this.

That flew out the window the second Riku climbed up here, though, and he watches miserably as Natsuno wipes at his face.

Maybe he should leave. He's out of things to say and he doesn't have any of the answers Natsuno wants. Or needs.]

...I'm sorry.

[reluctantjinrou]

[He nods a little bit.]

I know you are. You just need to sort it out right?

[How pathetic he was to sounds hopeful that Riku would come back to him. He mentally kicked himself.]

[darknessinside]

[That tone has his heart squeezing in his chest, and Riku nods back.

This would be so much easier if it had just been the candy. Or if Riku had better self-control. Or if Sora hadn't kissed back.]

Right. Just need to get things out in the open, and...and spend some time alone. That's all.

[reluctantjinrou]

[He clears his throat and takes a deep breath to try and control his emotions.]

Alright, Riku.

[What can he really do in this case?]

[darknessinside]

[Watches him for a moment.]

...If I hug you will you hit me?

[reluctantjinrou]

[He shakes his head. Natsuno doesn't say anything, his shoulders are slumped. He feels defeated.]

[darknessinside]

[More or less lunges forward, arms wrapping tight around Natsuno's shoulders. Probably won't do any good, if anything he'll only make this worse, but he can't help it. He wants to.

He kind of mumbles his next words into Natsuno's neck.]

When's the last time you ate?

[reluctantjinrou]

[He lets Riku, he doesn't fight it, even though he has to brush another tear away on his shoulder. Natsuno shouldn't let this get the best of him, but he can't help it.]

When I came back.

[His voice is a little unsteady.]