high_seas | Seagulls

[He lifts his face to give Riku a bit of a frown at that first sentence. Yeah, he totally knows that Riku knew what he meant. Sure, he's called Riku stupid before, but... Riku isn't stupid.

His expression softens at the last part, though. There's a bit of a warmth in his chest at it, too. It's nice to know that he'd been missed, too. Sora's shoulder's drop a bit, a hand moving to press against the back of his own head.]

It's not just your fault. It was mine, too. You're not the only one who... [He pauses a bit.] A-anyway...I'm sorry, too.

Mostly mine, though.

[Hogging the blame on this one, okay. He drums his fingers on the railing for a moment, then shifts and turns away from Sora again to prop both elbows on it instead. He leans out, looking down at the ocean and not bothering to push his hair back when it falls forward and curtains his face.]

You always get on me for keeping secrets. You'd think I would've learned by now.

[This causes him to frown pretty hard. He watches Riku turn away, the frown holding for a few seconds. When it falls, he's left with a serious look on his face.

Staring at the deck a moment, he finally breaks the silence with a soft sigh. He steps forward a few times and grips the rail next to Riku, only to quickly hoist himself up, turn, and sit on top of it. He sits there for a moment in silence, hands gripping the bar on each side, feet dangling idly. Right now, he needs to do anything but...sit and dwell on what happened to his other best friend.]

Well... [He starts with a slightly thoughtful expression cast off to the side, away from Riku. His voice, while still being firm, lacks some of its usual spark. Hey, bouncing back is Sora's forte, yes... But, bouncing back from a person's death is tough enough as it is. It being one of his best friends...? Well, put simply, he's not just going to be bouncing back, any time soon.] ...there's no point in beating yourself up over it.

[After turning his head to look over at his friend, he's reaching to scratch at the back of his head. He manages a smile.] Besides, what's done is done.

[His brow furrows as he frowns a little himself, and he cuts a brief glance up at Sora before lowering his eyes again.]

What's that mean? Are we...

[Hnngh, what to say. He picks absently at his shirt for a second, which...he belatedly remembers is still splotched with Natsuno's blood. Ew. At least it's dried by now, but.

...Crap, he just left a seriously injured Natsuno by himself in the galley.

Double crap, one of his best friends is dead.

This day already sucks enough, why does he have this masochistic urge to make it worse by sorting through his relationship problems now of all times when it's probably only going to end badly?

He huffs a little, propping his chin on his hand.]

Should I be trying to put it behind me? Forget it happened, move on, all that?

[His own clothes aren't exactly clean- actually, after everything...practically everyone looks pretty roughed up. That's the only reason Sora hasn't asked about Riku's bloodied appearance.

The question causes Sora's expression to tense. His breathing comes to a pause as he slowly frowns. That's not how he'd meant it, after all. Sora can feel his heart speed a little as he thinks on the question.

He doesn't want that, at all. It doesn't just matter what he wants, though. It's way more complicated than that.

For that reason, he's been trying to give Riku time...space...]

That's not what I meant. [He lets out a slightly frustrated sigh.] After all that happened...I was trying to give you plenty of time to work things out. It was more complicated for you, than me. You had Natsuno to talk to and sort things out with, after all.

[His expression softens.] The problem is, ...that was one of the hardest things I'd ever had to do. Giving you space, I mean. But it gave me time to think. [Gripping the rail a little more tightly, he leans back just enough to look up at the sky.] Even with all the thinking, there's still things I'm confused about, but... that's okay. I'm done trying to figure every little thing out. I think it's okay to be confused about some things. [He manages a smile. It's a little weak, but it's there.]

...It wasn't as complicated as you might think.

[Well. That's only partially true. It both was and wasn't complicated, but in the end the decision had been pretty easy.]

I broke up with him. Like, a month ago. [Gives a humorless laugh.] It took him by surprise. Understandably, I guess. I didn't mean to hurt him, but I think in the long run staying with him would've been worse. It wouldn't have been fair to him...and I wasn't being honest. I like him, but...

[He falls silent and shrugs, letting that sentence hang. After a moment, he turns his head to glance at Sora.]

What are you confused about?

[It wasn't? Sora looks a little confused at being told that it hadn't been complicated. He'd expected it to have been. Sora looks even more confused by the fact that Riku broke up with Natsuno...not long after that. Sora's gaze lands on Riku a moment, before dropping to the deck.

The silence was matched by Sora. When Riku speaks again, Sora lifts his head to glance back over at his friend.]

Well, uh... Guess what I'm mostly confused about, is why I didn't actually realize my feelings...before it was too late... [He looks away.] The thing is, I always knew you meant...a lot to me, but I guess with everything that was happening... [He trails off and pauses.]

A-anyway... [Actually, never mind, his thoughts are everywhere. Not just his thoughts, either. His emotions, too. With everything going on, who can blame him?]

[...Whoa, wait. No. No, no. Rewind. What?

Whatever other tangled up mess of thoughts are circling around his head abruptly clear, and he straightens up off the railing so that he's more on eye level with Sora, looking at him directly. His brow furrows, and he speaks -- almost demands, really -- in a tone that's tinged with disbelief and a sense of urgency.]

What feelings?

[Aaaand it's only just now that he realizes exactly what he'd said- and how.

Er...

He's giving Riku a bit of a surprised look. W-well, it's a little late to be freaking out, now. What's said, is said. He'd been meaning to tell it all, eventually, right? He'd just been holding off, because of the whole..."don't keep secrets" thing. Look who's been keeping one, himself, Riku.

Looking away, again, he lifts a hand to scratch at the back of his head.]

W-well, uh... [He's glad to be looking away, because his face is now turning red.] The truth is, I stopped talking to Natsuno on purpose. I didn't understand why, but...I was angry. A little at...him. It wasn't even his fault, either.

[He paused a moment, turning his head to look down at the deck.] When I... walked in on you guys in our room? Remember...that thing I said I'd tell you later? [He lets out a frustrated sigh shifts his eyes up at Riku.]

I'd realized that, the whole reason I was angry- was because I was jealous of him. Then, the stuff with that candy happened, and...

[He looks to the side, again, face turning just a little red. Well, this isn't how he'd expected to tell Riku any of that. At all.] So, you see? It... wasn't just you. I was keeping a secret, as well.

[Blinks.

Then blinks again.

Sora was jealous? Of Natsuno?

Riku sucks in a slow breath, his heart pounding in his chest and his eyes a little wide as he just looks at him. He snaps himself out of it with a brief shake of his head.]

Sora.

[And then out of nowhere a laugh bursts out him, over in seconds but surprised and happy this time nonetheless. He swallows it up quickly because it's probably an inappropriate reaction -- he knows how uncomfortable it can be to be jealous of someone, and god, the timing of this conversation is a little horrible, but what can you do?

He covers his face with his hands for a second, groaning lightly, then he's pushing them back into his hair and staring at his friend again.]

Jesus, Sora— Just so we're clear, exactly what secret do you think I've been keeping this time?

[The initial reaction earns a frown being sent Riku's way- no, it hadn't been an appropriate reaction. After the laugh is gone, though, the frown immediately drops. Riku had sounded...happy. In spite of the response having not been fitting of the situation, the kid can't be angry about it.

Sora can feel guilt creeping in, though. It brings a sort of sick feeling to his stomach. The conversation is definitely not fitting for this moment in time. Distraction needed, or not.

At the question, Sora's brow tenses as he looks at Riku with a bit of surprise. Well...he actually has no idea. He only knows what Riku said just minutes earlier.] I dunno, actually. I do know you said something, earlier, about not being honest to Natsuno. And, before that, you mentioned that...you thought you would've learned about not keeping secrets... Or something like that.

[Nods slowly, his expression turning thoughtful as he goes into a brief mental debate. But...Sora gave him something, so he should probably fess up in return.]

Okay...

[He blows upwards at his bangs, then turns so that he's leaning back against the railing now, resting his elbows back on it. It allows him to look away from Sora, and puts him in a position that at least appears casual, even if on the inside he's anything but as his gut abruptly twists into knots.]

Okay, here's the thing. And -- do what you want with this, I'm not...expecting anything. And I know...I know that despite whatever confusing emotions you've got going on, uh...regarding me. That I'm not the only person you might...have feelings for.

[There's a pause as he glances over his shoulder down at the water, and his stomach sinks a bit. Kairi's usually all about talking things out, though...so maybe it's okay? He's not sure he can stop now anyway. It feels like everything is about to just come blurting out of him, and he actually has to focus to keep his thoughts straight so he says the right thing.]

...And obviously things are...not great. Right now. Anyway, it's not like I need an answer or anything, that's all I'm saying. It's just...this is something I should've told you a long time ago. Maybe.

[He swallows and glances at Sora, then turns his head to face forward again, lowering his eyes as he takes a deep breath and then exhales in a rush. A small, barely-there grin forms on his face when he finally speaks.]

So, I'm kind of in love with you.

[When he hears the part about him likely having feelings for more than just Riku, Sora's eyes lower to the deck for a moment. Well...Riku always has been smart. It's kind of obvious by this point that he has a crush on their friend- the one he's feeling guilty because of. Sora hadn't realized exactly what it was he felt for her, until that kiss. That candy had definitely resulted in some...surprising things- because, the thing is...he had kissed Riku, as well. While he doesn't necessarily outright care more for one, than the other, there had been...a difference in the way each kiss had felt.

That had been part of the reason Sora has been so confused. He isn't sure how it's possible to care for more than one person in that kind of way. It's...such a touching subject. Just thinking about her makes his stomach twist into knots...and a weight slam down on his chest. Right now, his own stomach is sinking. When he hears Riku continue speaking, though, he latches onto those words and slowly looks back up at him.

A long time ago...? Just how long has Riku been keeping this secret?]

...

[Nothing could have expected him for what Riku just said. Sora's face freezes and he, for a moment, doesn't even realize he had stopped breathing. About the time he realizes just how hot his face has suddenly become, though, he's remembering to inhale.]

W-wait, you mean...? [Well, he's definitely been stunned to the point of not being able to properly form sentences. For a moment, he's silent for the sake of maybe gathering words into a somewhat understandable order.]

W-well, that's... not what I expected, but... [And Sora's looking back down, his hand moving back down to grip the rail. Wow, so... why was swallowing suddenly so hard? His mouth and throat felt...really dry, all of a sudden. Heart racing, he looks back down at the deck. The question he's attempting to figure the answer out to, now, is...how does he feel about it?

He knows he loves him- without a doubt, he loves the guy. That's the complicated part, though. He's loved him as a best friend for so long. So many things happened with him just...chasing him around, though. Something has changed, however. He can't deny that. Had his feelings maybe evolved around the time he'd finally found Riku...in that form he'd taken after his battle against the darkness? Or...is it a more recent development? Maybe after arriving here?

The thing is...that kiss--or, rather, how he'd felt during it--had left him thinking...a lot about Riku. He'd sort of been focused on the fact that Riku was with someone. So, he'd forced it from his mind every time he'd realized what he was doing to himself. He shift his thoughts away from him. Kairi was on his mind, too, of course. He never had to fight against thinking about her. But, he's always assumed she cares about him as nothing more than a best friend. She's a forgiving person, so he assumes she had been kind to him about the fact that his kiss had been influenced by some candy. So it wasn't that he'd ever had to force himself to not think about her- he'd just set his mind that it'd never go beyond his own head. His own thoughts.

Crap, his dry mouth and throat's even gone and made talking difficult. His words come out with just a bit of a struggle.] How long...is a 'long time ago'...?

[Riku didn't realize just how hard he was clenching the railing behind him until his grip loosened when Sora finally spoke. Then he winces a bit, letting go completely and bringing his hands around in front to examine them. ...Again, it gives him something else to look at. To focus on. Though he ends up glancing at Sora out of the corner of his eye anyway.

And he looks pretty gobsmacked. It was that much of a surprise, huh?

But...at least Sora hasn't turned tail and run away because of what Riku said. That was the first hurdle, right? He tries to remember that, and to remember that Sora asking questions is probably a good thing.

Even if they're hard to answer.

Riku hums a little as he thinks of what to say, crossing his arms now instead and tipping his head back to squint up at the sky. His heartbeat is going a little crazy and he feels hot all over, but he tries to ignore all that. Shit, he can't believe he told him. Did that seriously just happen? And now Sora wants to know how long it's been...]

I don't know -- forever ago? [Shrugs a bit helplessly.] I think it's always been there in one way or another, I just didn't know it when we were kids. It explains all the pigtail pulling, though.

[He cracks another smile, a touch teasing and self-mocking and fond all at the same time, and steals another peek at Sora before looking away again just as quickly.]

But no, to be honest...I've only just recently kind of put words to it. I spent months letting it bring out all the wrong emotions— [Bitterness, jealously, an almost dangerous possessiveness over the other boy...] And then spent even longer actively trying to ignore it. Right up until a few weeks ago.

[Funny how you can not know what the heck to say and then end up bubbling over with words anyway.]

I guess, though...if I had to really pinpoint a time when I was suddenly aware of it, of feeling like that...it was when you died. I've never felt so wrecked in my entire life, Sora, it was horrible. Seeing that was the worst thing that's ever happened to me. [He draws in a shaky breath and then gives another one of those soft laughs, rubbing his hand across his forehead.] But then you came back and I figured...after everything, we didn't need me throwing that into the mix. And messing everything up. Messing us up.

Besides...you and Kairi. That's the future. [His grin fades and his whole body tenses up as he crosses his arms a little tighter. Just that quickly, the doubts start pouring back in. But...it is what it is. He'd mentally prepared himself for that ages ago.] ...I've always known that.

[The mentioning of Kairi causes Sora's expression to tense a little. There's a mixture of feelings, because of it- some good, some...not so good. That dryness has basically become something that reminds him of sandpaper. He forces himself to ignore the desire for something to drink as he thinks over Riku's words- well, thinks over them the best he can manage. His eyes move back over to his friend, a look that reveals he's just a bit confused about...some things. Mostly involving himself and his own feelings. His brow remains furrowed the entire time he's mulling over the...confession.

In spite of all of the confusing feelings, he's pretty sure he understands his friend a lot better, now. Everything he's done up to this point makes a lot more sense. Amazing that it'd taken something this drastic. The brunette's eyes slide back to the deck. He realizes he'd been holding his breath, again. Slowly and deeply inhaling, he closes his eyes a moment. When they reopen, he speaks, again. His voice is somewhat soft, tone low.]

You're right. I do...like Kairi, too. [His eyes avert away from Riku.] That candy- it made me kiss her, too. That's when I realized it. But...

[One thing he's not so confused about...

The way the heart works...is not in a way that's meant to be understood. People are just capable of caring about more than one person at a time. If Riku's able to like Natsuno, while...being in love with Sora, then it shouldn't be impossible for other people to basically do the same thing. Right? While, he's still a little unsure about the depths of his own feelings for Riku, he does know they're beyond friendship level.]

The thing is...[He reaches up to scrub a hand through his hair.] It was different with each of you. [His brow furrows as he attempts to turn his to thoughts into words.] You both mean everything to me, but... I care about you guys in...different ways.

Sorry, that came out weird... [After several seconds of a pause, he finally lets out a frustrated sigh. It's getting late and, with everything that's happened, he's actually pretty exhausted. And talking about Kairi like this- knowing that she's not just in another area of the ship, at the moment...His voice makes it pretty obvious he's drained, thanks to everything that's happened. Crying probably didn't help, either.] Do you mind if we...finish talking about this later? Tomorrow, maybe?

Edited 2014-03-29 00:59 (UTC)

[He takes the news that Sora also kissed Kairi during that whole candy fiasco in stride, not giving much of a reaction at all aside from the slight downward turn his frown takes. Inwardly, though, he deflates a bit. Sora keeps talking and he makes himself listen, but he can feel the mental shields going back up, can tell his brain's already scrambling to shove all that emotion back into its box so he can lock it away again.

When Sora mentions it being different with both of them, Riku can't help the way the corner of his mouth tugs upward faintly. He rubs absently at this eyes with a hand.]

Heh...yeah, I'm sure she didn't practically maul you after you kissed her.

[But he nods and sighs a bit, his hand falling from his eyes to curl around the back of his neck as he looks at Sora. Later, tomorrow, a week, another month. Hell, it's possible they'll never continue this conversation -- but he did just throw a lot at Sora, and there are far more important and pressing matters to get through first, so it's just something he's going to have to accept. He told him he didn't need any kind of answer anyway, so...it's fine. It has to be. He nods again, pushing off the railing, and he turns to face Sora but can't quite meet his eyes.]

Of course. Whenever. We don't have to rush it. This...isn't exactly the best time anyway.

[He forces a small, kind of sad smile and manages to briefly look up at Sora. It's been a really long day, and now that he thinks about it he's kind of emotionally exhausted himself. He tips his head in the direction of the Moon.]

Come on. I don't know about you, but I could use a shower and about seventy-two hours of sleep. Then maybe when we wake up, Kairi will be back.

Edited 2014-03-29 07:12 (UTC)

[Sora turns to look at the slightly older teen upon hearing his voice. He agrees with it not being the best time. Sora hops down from the rail and pauses to stare downward a moment, before speaking in a low tone.]

Yeah, me, too...

[He manages a small smile in return as he looks up at Riku, a hand moving up so he can scratch at the side of his face. He then forces his voice to sound...at least somewhat sure.]

...I'm sure she will be.

[With that, he turns in the direction Riku had gestured, eyes cast slightly downward as he realizes just how inviting a shower and bed sound. At just the thought, his body is ready to drop and not move again for another day...at least.]

[He goes to sling an arm around Sora's shoulder, ready to act all natural and normal and lead him back to the other ship -- but he stops suddenly. He can't. He needs a minute, just one, alone. If only to bang his head against a wall or something. Just a few seconds to have a minor panic attack at what he just admitted, then he can shove it away and move on.

So instead, he takes a step back.]

Actually... I'll meet you over there. I need to—

[Hey, go check on the almost dead guy you left alone, perhaps? Is the thing that immediately jumps to mind, and his eyes go wide.]

Shit, I left Natsuno -- I was supposed to be getting help. He took a sword through the chest, and. Dammit. I'll be there in a minute, Sora, okay? [Backs up another step toward the galley.] Just...go lie down, you look like you're going to collapse any minute. It'll be okay. It will. Trust me.

[Sora blinks at Riku's suddenly stopping. His steps come to a halt, and then he's turning to give his friend a curious expression. The confused expression deepened a bit at the start of Riku's words, then...]

W-what- [A hand lifts just a bit toward Riku and he looks shocked.] Are you serious?!

[Seriously, never mind that he's exhausted, he has the ability to heal. He still cares about Natsuno, in spite of everything. Heck, the guy's the first friend he made in this place. He's focusing on the fact that it's been long enough since the last time he used the spell- and ignoring his body's urging him to go to bed, like Riku said.

People can't tell Sora to just go to bed, after saying someone's hurt and in need of help.]

Where is he?! He doesn't have much time, right? [And, now, there's a stubborn look on his face at this point.] I'll heal him, just...take me to him!

[That brings him up short. Duh, of course. Sora still has his ability to cast Cure. How could he forget that?

He hesitates anyway.]

No, he's -- he'll be okay, Sora, he's a vampire, remember? He's already healing, it's just slow going. I was looking for his friend, that doctor guy, I didn't know if the wound should be cleaned or anything...

[But healing or not, he's still in pain. A lot of it. And there's literally no good reason to keep Sora from him, especially not just because Riku wants a minute away from him. And because putting the three of them together in one room seems like a horrible idea. More important things, right? That seems like his mantra of the day.

Riku sighs, jutting his thumb over his shoulder.]

He's in the galley.

[He frowns.] So what if he's a vampire? He's still able to die, right? [His expression then softens into a thoughtful one.] I think you mean Toshio. I can't...actually remember where I saw him last.

[He frowns and looks down just for a moment. He looks up to see Riku pointing in the direction of the galley, and is immediately starting that way.

Currently, Sora isn't even thinking about the level of awkward there's going to be with the three of them being in the same room. His focus is on getting there in time to help someone in need. Natsuno's a part of the crew. By this point, he holds a strong belief that...

If they're a member of the Spades Pirates? They're basically like family- regardless of whether, or not, he's even talking to them at the time.]

[Scowls at Sora as he passes, turning to follow him.]

Of course he can, I've been through that once already because apparently that's a thing this crew likes to do -- but do you really think I would've stood around out here chatting with you if he was actually dying? I said he's healing, didn't I?

[Jumps in front of him to get to the galley door first, but pauses and softens his tone when he speaks again.]

...But he is in pain, so...do what you can. Fair warning, though, it's not pretty.

[Then he pushes the door open, looking for Natsuno and checking to see if anyone else is around.]

Natsuno? I, uh. Brought someone who should be able to heal you.

[Natsuno is exactly where Riku left him, lying on the floor of the galley. His breathing is relatively under control now, the faintest hint of a wheeze remaining. The smaller cut that had gone through his chest is healing nicely, it's the gash from shoulder to abdomen that, although not bleeding, isn't progressing as well.

He opens his eyes when Riku speaks to him, focusing on him and then Sora. Regardless of how he feels about either of them, he's in no real position to complain at the moment.

He swallows and raises his head a little bit.]

Thank you, Riku, but like I said...someone else might need Sora's skills.

[It is brutal, and brutally painful, but he will heal on his own if left to his own devices. He just doesn't want to put someone else's life at risk. It's nothing against Sora.]

I already feel better after I bit you.

[His voice is a little rough as he speaks, remains of the healing injuries. Without thinking, he extends a trembling hand up at them. An unspoken request for company, but that isn't really fair either. They look tired, both of them. He withdraws his hand after a moment.]

[He's quiet a moment.] No...I don't think that. [He lets out a sigh, a bit of frustration within it.] Sorry, Riku...I didn't mean it like that.

[He nods to the warning and waits to be let into the room. When his eyes land on the Jinrou, Sora blinks. Oh, man... He does look pretty bad. He's immediately moving toward Natsuno, Keyblade appearing in his hand.]

Don't worry about that, alright?

[Because, he's injured, too, right? Sora's not putting a lot of thought into this, because all he knows is Natsuno is likely in a lot of pain. Toshio is out there helping those in need, too, so that makes it a little better.

He's not giving Natsuno a chance to argue. He briefly holds the Oblivion out toward the Jinrou. With that, Curaga is being cast on the other teen. A flash of green appears over his head, a warmth likely passing through the injured vampire. Sora crouches in front of Natsuno immediately after, curious to know if it helped.]

There... How's that?

[Just gives Natsuno a flat look, coming closer to crouch by his feet while Sora does his thing.]

Yeah, well. The blood thing wasn't working fast enough and I'm impatient.

[He watches Sora cast the spell and then eyes Natsuno's chest, looking for signs that it worked.]

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