HazMat Log 008 ♔ Patootles and Discount Coupons

[anelegantmyth]

Who: Hazardous Materials
Where: Tartle Island then Deesuko Ballia
When: 8/7 onwards
What: gathering a patootle and then party over at pirate heaven
Warnings: alcohol and little whales that fart bubbles are dangerous to your health
Style: Any!
Status: Zoo entrance fee is still 50 doubloons

Hazardous Materials' August log of doom part! Date your stuff, you all know the drill.

8/7-8/11 : Sailing to Tartle Island
8/12-8/14 : Tartle Fun!
8/15-8/21 : Sailing to Deesuko Ballia
8/22-?: Party hard!!

Comments

[heartismyown]

Well yeah! It's not really important if you don't know how I feel because I mean, I don't get it. I just don't want you to worry too much about it if you don't know.

[Lea looks sad and Roxas doesn't know what he said to cause it.]

I...I don't know what I just did. I don't like this. I don't like this at all. You look sad. I don't-I didn't mean to do whatever I did.

[by_heart]

You didn't do anything.

[Lea tries to keep his tone light and nonchalant, but there isn't much he can do about the look on his face.]

It's fine. Don't worry about it.

[heartismyown]

You shouldn't be sad.

[Roxas frowns at him and slides his arms around Lea. Screw his shoulder, screw any other pain he has, this is far far more important.]

I'm sorry. [He places a kiss to Lea's temple.]

Really, really sorry. [He kisses his cheek too.]

[by_heart]

[He remembers what Roxas told him the last time he tried kissing him like this, that he'd go anywhere for him. Lea actually hadn't even felt guilty about him saying that that night. He certainly did later, but that was pretty par for the course. Every time he thought he'd gotten something right, he hadn't really. That Roxas would still stick with him...there are times he truly doesn't understand it, even though he selfishly wants it to stay that way.]

I keep telling you there's nothing for you to be sorry for. You can't always be happy to see me. Heck, most people aren't ever.

1/2

[heartismyown]

Of course I'm happy to see you!

[Lea isn't making any sense at all.]

I'm always happy to see you, except when you're being a jerk but you're not right now. I'm just so...so...

[Argh, that word. That elusive word, whatever that feeling is.]

You're okay.

2/2

[heartismyown]

You are okay, aren't you? I was...afraid... [No, that word, he still doesn't like it, but he clears his throat and pushes forward.]

I was so afraid you were being hurt somewhere.

[Without even thinking about it, he progresses to a soft kiss to his lips. He's thought of it before but it never seems like a good idea, but now Lea needs to know just how relieved he is.]

I don't want you to get hurt. I don't want to be here without you!

[by_heart]

[He will never understand Roxas. Ever.

If he wasn't feeling so low, maybe he would have had it in him to protest, to ask why, to be baffled and confused and totally at sea as to why Roxas would get it in his head that this was a good idea, but he can't find it in himself to feel that way right now. He needs the comfort, he needs to continue to be selfish and think even for just a little while that it's okay for things to be this way.]

I know the feeling.

[He cups Roxas' cheek and gives him a brief, gentle kiss of his own.]

So stop doing dumb things like this, okay?

["Like this" covers a lot of things.]

[heartismyown]

[Roxas nods a little bit. He doesn't mind giving Lea comfort if that's what he needs. He's completely forgotten the rest of it for the moment, just watching Lea. The smile he gives him is subtle and soft.]

I wish you could tell me what I did wrong. I would stop...I would. I really would.

[He moves his hand to run his fingers through Lea's hair, giving him a tender look.]

Don't ever think I don't want to see you. You know me...I'd tell you if I wanted you to go away or something. But I don't. Not ever.

[by_heart]

I keep telling you you didn't do anything wrong.

[It's hard to sound quite as irritated as he'd like to. The reason he'd protested so much when Roxas tried this before was because he likes it. It's soothing. Still, it's not the time to zone out, as much as he'd like to.]

I also keep telling you you need to take care of that arm of yours, but you didn't listen to that, either.

[heartismyown]

Yeah, I know...I will. I just don't want you to be sad anymore.

[Is it even helping? His expression turns quizzical as he looks at Lea. He sighs a little bit and lets go of him to scratch his head. What else is there...?]

You didn't forget what I told you, right?

[He pauses a beat and grins.]

I love you. [He taps Lea's forehead.] Got it memorized?

[by_heart]

[That earns a laugh.]

I got it, I got it. I haven't had a chance to use that one in a while...

[His poor catchphrase.]

[heartismyown]

[The laugh gets a relieved smile from Roxas and he deems his mission to cheer up Lea complete. He sits back in a more comfortable position for his arm and slouches against the wall behind him.]

I guess you never tell me that, yeah. It's okay, I remember it.

[by_heart]

If you forgot that one, we'd be in trouble.

[Usually Lea would shove him or swat at him right now, but he just told him he was supposed to be taking better care of himself, so that would be a little counterproductive.]

Anyway...[topic...topic...] You still hungry? You plowed through those sandwiches.

[heartismyown]

[Roxas shakes his head a little bit.]

No, I'm okay. They were really good though Lea.

[He pauses a moment. With his good hand he slides it into Lea's hand, lacing their fingers if he'll allow it.]

I really missed you.

[by_heart]

[Lea squeezes his hand and holds on.]

I thought maybe I could take advantage of all the peace and quiet to get some work done, but everyone kept interrupting me to "check in" and "make sure I was okay." Don't know what they thought the problem was.

[heartismyown]

Oh...yeah.

[He murmurs it, a little bit of disappointment in his voice.]

Guess you're used to it, huh?

[In a way, it's good if Lea isn't sad when he's gone. There's no guarantee he can come back after all.]

[by_heart]

[Lea rolls his eyes. One day, Roxas is going to need to learn to stop taking him so seriously.]

Geez, how much of a jerk do you think I am?

[heartismyown]

[Roxas blinks up at him.]

I don't think you're a jerk. I just...I mean...for me, being without you is a huge deal. I don't...I haven't been away from you that much. You're from the future though with Sora and everything, I must have been gone awhile.

[He pauses and exhales.]

If you disappeared, I would turn the world upside down to find you. There's nothing that would stop me, no one could get in my way, I'd make sure you were safe as fast as I can.

[He thinks about it a moment.]

We don't think alike though. I guess you have some other plan for finding me, right?

[by_heart]

[Ouch.]

I don't know whether you're giving me too much credit or not enough.

[Lea looks away, more than a little ashamed.]

It really hasn't been that long, not for me. A few months, maybe, I don't know. Not enough time to even understand how I came back, let alone figure out how to find you.

[He looks down at the floor, fragile good mood shattered.]

I told you about all the stupid stuff I did after you were gone.

[So don't think it's at all easy for him not to have you around.]

[heartismyown]

Oh yeah I know. But you're not going to try and do that again right?

[He squeezes the hand tightly. He's quiet for a moment and he leans over and presses his face against Lea's shoulder.]

If...

[He has to pause, to swallow and correct a waver in his voice.]

If you can't find me...it's okay, you know?

[Roxas takes a slow breath.]

It's okay. Because I had you here. It's almost been a year and that's the same time I knew you before. So don't...don't try anything stupid.

[by_heart]

It's not okay. I made a promise.

[And he's not going to promise not to do anything stupid, because doing stupid things is kind of how he operates, it seems. He wants to shake Roxas and yell and say that, sure, it's easy for him to say that this time is enough, but Lea is the one who's going to have to go back to being alone after this is over. He won't accept that, and if keeping his promise means being a little reckless, then that's what he's going to have to do.]

I couldn't keep it before. I gave up. I'm not going to do that again.

[heartismyown]

[It isn't okay really, but Roxas wants Lea to be okay, whatever that takes. If Lea has made up his mind however, he probably can't change it.]

Then....then I'll wait for you.

[He can't help himself, he has to kiss Lea again. It's still chaste, but this time it's a bit harder.]

I love you. Don't die. Please.

[by_heart]

Not in the plans this time, I promise.

[He doesn't not return the kiss, but he does gently push Roxas away when he's done and hugs him carefully against his chest.]

I'll try not to make you wait too long, okay?

[heartismyown]

Okay.

[Roxas rests his head against Lea's collarbone, sliding his good arm around him. He snuggles and makes himself comfortable. Roxas is quiet for a moment, thinking and reflecting before he speaks up again.]

While I was gone...I really missed you.

[by_heart]

You better have.

[There was a time where any statement like that from Roxas would make him embarrassed and uncomfortable, but he's gotten so used to it by now that he can actually accept it with a smile.]

I'm irreplaceable, you know.