high_seas | A Water Park with Hammers

[still a little sore, but the attention from Sanji does go a long way toward soothing his irritation. He's fine, really, and perks up as the bartender returns to them....

...only to find himself staring, aghast, at the prize.]

What. The hell.

Like what better?

[What? Wait, what's happening, what's with that look all of a sudden?

Sanji blinks and turns around -- only to crack up laughing all over again.]

H-Holy shit.

[Reaches out to grab them! And yes, he gets a somewhat dopey look on his face, but the alcohol and knowledge that these aren't actually real keep him from getting too carried away.

...Though he does squeeze the boob pillows to his chest as he gives Zoro a stupid grin.]

Can I have 'em? They'll make the shitty hammock more comfortable!

[that makes him laugh even harder and he's holding his gut and banging his foot against the bar]

S-SANJI'S FINALLY GOT HIS B-BOOBS! HAHAHAHAHA

[Zoro has had enough of you two. The shit-eating grin on Sanji's face and Luffy's laughter just make him deadpan harder.

On the one hand, he knows the answer is yes for the love of god, cook, take them, but then he thinks about it a second more and realizes that thing. Those things. Would be in his bed.

Cue pointing.]

If you take those to bed with you, you'll be sleeping alone with 'em.

[rounds on the bartender] Oi! What kinda prize you got if you don't like boobs?

[SUDDENLY EVERY EYE IN THE BAR IS ON HIM. Them. Shocked. Like, how could you not like them?? shocked.]

[the bartender gives him a seedy eye and then goes in and comes back with something...definitely not a boob.

In fact Luffy's pretty sure you've got one.

But that just makes him laugh harder. So much so that he can't breathe.

brb. Dying]

[Sanji lets out a loud snort at all the aghast stares, starting to snicker all over again, but then the bartender brings something else out and -- pffffft bahahahahahaha!!

He finds himself doubled over, wheezing and having to hang on to the bar to keep from falling right on his face from laughing too hard.

And he's still got his lovely~ pillow squashed against his chest, of course.]

Okay -- ahahahaha okay fine, you can sleep with -- with that shitty thing, then. My prize is way fucking better!

[well, he did ask for it, didn't he? Shrugging, Zoro decides he can live with it. It'll become the unfortunate tool (snort) of many a prank from here on out, the ship can bet on that.

He picks it up and gives it a look like he's comparing sizes, and then waggles it around, using it to point at Luffy]

Look, it's rubber, just like yours.

Zoro! It's nothing like mine!

[he isn't going to lose to a rubber dick that isn't attached to anything. He is damn proud of his family jewels and what's attached! So he stands up, sandals braced wide on the table and undoes his shorts, showing proudly what he's made of and just how that can't compare.]

These are the balls that belong to the man that's going to be King of the Pirates!

[DODONNNNN]

[Making a face at Zoro over here.]

Ew, don't touch it, fuck knows where it's been—

[AND THEN THERE'S LUFFY.

Excuse Sanji while he chokes on air and promptly throws a hand up as though to shield himself from ALL THAT SHITTY GLOWING AND DODONNNNN-NESS.]

Jesus -- dammit, Luffy! Get your ass down from there, you're gonna get us kicked out!

[........Well, probably too late for that. So Sanji quickly stumbles up to the bar and demands another bottle of rum for the road while everyone's busy staring all jaw-dropped at his idiot captain. Then he swings back around and points at the other two.]

Fuck's sake, you dumbasses, neither of you is as big as that shitty thing [yeah, he saw that look, marimo] 'cause that's the whole damn point of it and why are your pants still down?!

[SOB, HIS LIFE.]

Oi! Sanji! I can be twice as big as that! [his thumb goes toward his mouth someone please stop him. He's too drunk to care]

[meh, it's nothing he hasn't seen in the bath a hundred times before.

Luffy's declaration makes him laugh, though, and break into a mildly sarcastic golf clap]

You tell 'em captain!

...o-oi, did you just say what I think you said? [to Sanji. THEM'S FIGHTIN WORDS COOK. So busy bristling at Sanji that he doesn't really notice what Luffy is about to do.]

[THE BATH IS WHERE IT'S SUPPOSED TO STAY FUCKING SHIT YOU MORON.

And alksjfhlkjsdf Luffy no.

Sanji's instantly reaching up and yanking on his sleeve. Anything to keep that thumb away from his mouth.]

Don't. We know, okay, you're either gonna make some girl really happy or really damn terrified one day now get down.

[And since the sleeve yanking isn't working, Sanji swings a leg up and around, intending to just hook it behind Luffy and send him crashing into the floor.

Except he's pretty tipsy himself and a little wobbly standing there on one leg and his aim is just overall off, plus there might be a little more force behind the move than he meant to use. As such, it's not the floor he sends Luffy crashing into, but rather the wall halfway across the room.

Oops.

He blinks, then lowers his leg again and dusts his hands off before casually tucking his boob pillow under his arm and snatching up the bottle of rum he requested. Then he glances back at Zoro with a raised eyebrow.

One pointed look down at the rubber dick later...]

Well it ain't. [A beat.] Also, we should probably go.

Edited 2015-03-15 07:31 (UTC)

[Luffy crashes into a wall which doesn't hurt cuz he's rubber even if he makes a little impact crater and Big Sis falls on his head. It looks like everything is going tits down.

Luffy pushes big sis off him]

Ahh her nipple came off. [he looks at it.] Why is it so big?

[That seems to be the straw to break the bartenders back, because, redfaced he pulls a rusty old sword out from under the bar and yells at them to get lost or get cut. Luffy's not exactly impressed but he hikes his pants up, putting the nipple in his pocket for later]

Let's go somewhere else. ONWARD, MEN!

[Marches out with a half moon still showing. He can't point and hold up his pants at the same time]

[everything is ridiculous, and Zoro can't even be mad for too long, it takes effort. He's just buzzed enough that the whole absurd scenario just makes him snort and shove his prize into his sash for safe keeping.]

We'll settle that later, cook.

[though yes, once he sobers up he'll realize that the comically over-sized toy is just overcompensating.

For now, he'll follow Luffy out, snickering under his breath. They're all drunk and carrying various body parts with them, how could he not?]

[.......Sanji isn't quite sure he wants to follow the idiot whose pants are still half down or be seen walking next to the other idiot who's got a dick in his sash like it's a fourth sword or some shit. He sighs and reaches back for...someone's...glass on the bar, quickly downing the remaining rum in it, and then slams it back down and ambles after the other two.

Dumbasses though they may be, Sanji's also moving smoothly past tipsy and nearing full on drunk, so it's hard to actually care TOO much. Instead, after they're back out on the streets with their random selection of body part prizes, he starts snickering.

And can't stop.]

You -- you guys're such fucking dumbshits.

[just laughs. It's too hard not to when everyone is having such a great time!]

Lets go to all the bars! [fists in the air and his pants fall oops. He picks them back up again and feels the nipple, and then glances at Sanji's pillow]

Hey hey look! [he puts the nipple in the right place] It fits! hahahaha

Us? You're the one toting around a set of breasts!

[Luffy for fuck's sake, button your pants. That's a great idea, though. Zoro is not drunk enough yet.]

Yeah, let's see what other kind of drinking prizes we can rack up. They gotta be better than this. [much as he's strangely proud of that fourth sword...]

Yeah, but they're breasts so it's okay. Because breasts. Boobs. Boobs are shitty fantastic, you know?

[Admires his pillow for a moment, teetering into Zoro for a step or two as he takes his eyes off the path.

Then Luffy puts the nipple in its place and he erupts into snickers all over again, while simultaneously trying to school his face into a scowl and failing miserably.]

Oi, oi, get your fake nipple off my boobs, they have their own!

[...

My, those people over there are giving them such an odd look.

Sanji coughs.]

Hey, marimo, sniff us out a bar.

Ahh but it looks so sofft. [just kinds of buries his face in your breasts as they walk along] Not as soft as Robin's though.

[no pillow was greater than a Robin pillow]

No problem.

[because there's bars all along the beach, he can probably find one easily. Maybe his sense of direction will even improve with the tipsiness. Follow him this way! Or no, that way, there's music and laughter coming from that way, that's usually a bar, right?]

Ahhh, Robin-chwaaan~

[Floats along beside them, happily imagining his lovely Robin-chan's bosom. He is LUCKILY a smidge too intoxicated to question why Luffy knows how soft Robin may or may not be.]

Her skin is so perfect and shitty lovely, I bet she's the softest of all~!!

Nami's pretty soft, too. [he can't really tell which one is softer] And Hancock. And Chopper is soft a lot and Brook's afro. [soft and sacred] shishishi but not Zoro. [whaps Zoro in the abs a few times]

Ow, Luffy!

[he is so done with you two. C'mere. One arm around each neck.]

There. There's a bar. Maybe if I drink more I'll be able to stand listening to you two talk about boobs.

But I like Zoro's shitty not soft abs. S'okay if he's hard. He's good hard.

[ATTEMPTS A SMIRK as Zoro draws he and Luffy in, but it just comes out more a dumb grin than anything.]

Alright, let's go fill up this idiot's gut with shitty booze so we can talk about shitty fantastic lady parts!

A Water Park with Hammers

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