high_seas | Roxas On The Ship

Entry tags:

Roxas On The Ship

Who: Roxas, The Spade Pirates
Where: On the ship
When: After arriving at the island, Roxas is trying to catch his bearings on the ship. (December 12)
What: Time for Roxas to make some new friends
Warnings: Questions. Lots of questions.
Style: Any
Status: Closed to crew

Roxas was confused.

This in itself was not that unusual, however it was different. Everything he worried about just days ago seemed to be less of a problem now that he's found himself in a new, somewhat hostile world. He met Riku and followed him to a ship, and today he was just hanging out, trying to get a feel for the place, and maybe unscramble the mess that was his memories.

In the morning, he can be found sitting on the railing overlooking the sea. Roxas looks content doing so, he had a fascination with the water.

In the afternoon, he can be found in the galley getting a snack, or perhaps down below deck, checking out his room and pacing between it and the steps so he can remember where it is.

In the evening, he can be found on deck on his back, staring at the stars.

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[Parents again, huh? Must be pretty important, Roxas figures.]

Why don't you like talking to people?

[Ikki's actually surprised that Roxas doesn't ask about parents.]

Talking to people, hanging out with them, being social in general. It's not my kind of thing. When you do those things you make friends with people, and I'm not made to have friends.

[Fortunately Lea has already told him what parents are.]

You're not? Why not? Are you broken?

[He snorts.]

Broken?

No, but I'm a phoenix... Which you probably don't know what it is.

[He mutters to himself as he shakes his head.]

A phoenix is a unique creature, there's only one in the world... Or only one per world. It's immortal, not because it doesn't die but because when it dies it just resurrects from its own ashes, basically. Eternally surrounded by flames, a creature made of fire and because of that most of those who try to get close end sooner or later burned, not always literally though.

Wow, you die and come back?

[He grins a bit.]

Fire's not a bad thing, Axel has fire! He's never burned me.

Yeah, but is he a phoenix? No, so it's not the same.

And yes, I've died and come back. Several times.

I don't know, maybe he is a phoenix. I didn't ask him that before.

[Roxas nods a bit, looking thoughtful.]

Well I never thought of it. That you could die and come back.

Does he turn into a bird or a fire bird form and fly around?

[Ikki sincerely doubts that, phoenixes are a rare thing, mythical even. Just finding another one is a miracle, two other ones? Unlikely.]

Normally people don't do that, but a phoenix does. Bonded to life eternally, dying and resurrecting while everything and everyone around it dies permanently and is erased by time. It's not as nice as it may sound at first, kid.

Well, I don't know. I never saw him do that, but I don't watch him all the time.

[Roxas frowns a bit, looking down.]

I guess not, if you lose all your friends. You don't ever want friends though?

Why would I want them? To watch them die eventually while I keep living? Or worse, to watch them die because of my fault? I've already done that, God knows that if I could I would just seal myself in a volcano and ignore the world eternally. I've had enough of seeing people die just because they got close to me.

I think it's lonely without friends. I mean, if Axel wasn't my friend, I don't know what I would be like. Still a zombie, maybe.

[He tilts his head.]

Why would they die from getting close to you? You're not hurting me.

It's not always automatic. It can happen at any time, but I never know how or when. If I did maybe I could find a way to avoid it to happen, don't you think?

Yeah, maybe. I'd fight whatever it is for my friends. [He pauses.] You could be my friend too! I'll protect you with my keyblades!

[He looks amused and frustrated at the same time.]

I can resurrect after I die, do you really think I need protection? That's exactly why anyone who gets close to me ends dying or hurt, they forget that what they should protect is themselves, not me.

That doesn't mean you have to get hurt for no reason.

[Roxas nods a bit.]

Well I have two keyblades, one to protect me and one to protect you. [Logic.]

Nothing will happen if I die, I shouldn't exist, remember? So it's perfect.

[Ikki just looks at him.]

Now you're making me want to push you off the ship again, for being an idiot. Even assuming we go with that bullshit about how you shouldn't exist, if you die, then Sora probably wouldn't get fixed or whatever it is what happens when you go with him. His life, his future, depends on you and your fucking existence.

Even if the Sora here is fine and from later than when you're from, that doesn't change it. And if you really shouldn't exist and are going to vanish eventually, then you being alive now and enjoying that is even more important than anything else.

I guess I didn't think of that. I guess...it has to be Sora.

[He sighs a little.]

Important? I don't know about that. I mean, once I disappear, what difference will it make?

Same as when everyone else disappears, probably. Maybe more, because you will literally live on metaphorically in Sora. Most people when they die, they die, they rot and become dust, they most they can do is leave some sort of legacy on their kids but that's not the same.

[Ikki closes his eyes and frowns before he looks at Roxas.]

Listen, I don't know what ideas you have of "heart" people, but let me tell you something. No one gets to exist because they asked for it. No one asks to be alive, and many people are born without being wanted or expected. Many "heart" people are people that "shouldn't exist", but they do, and they are normally given the shittiest options available to live on.

The difference between you and them is that you, as much as you "shouldn't exist", have a purpose. A reason to be. Yes, that reason basically is that you have to vanish so someone else can go on. But normally people don't have even that. They are thrown into life without being asked about it, forced to live a life that they may very well not want or like, and then they die and in a matter of a few years they are forgotten, and any traces of their existence get erased long before even that happens.

[Roxas crosses his arms and turns his back to Ikki, looking out to the sea. He's thinking about the words he's said and drawing parallels to what he knows.]

Even if that's true, that doesn't mean I want to disappear.

Flash news, kid. No one wants to disappear. It's not a matter of wanting it or not, it just happens, and there's nothing that can be done to avoid it. I know it, I've tried to avoid it, to protect people from disappearing when their time was due and failed.

The matter is what the fuck you do with the little time you are given. Do you want to spend it doing nothing but brooding, fearing what it's going to come and feeling pity for yourself? Or do you want to make use of the life you have and have fun? Make friends, eat things, see places...

In my world I've seen babies die, of natural causes, because the time they had was just that short. And in case you don't know what a baby is, it's a minuscule thing, a human being that you can hold between your two hands and who supposedly has dozens of years of life ahead of it. A person who knows nothing of the world and has to be taught everything, has to learn everything, who is amazed by every little detail, but who for the first years of their live isn't really aware of anything. They have no great memory, or conscience, they don't even know their own names. And I've seen them die, before they even realized that they were alive.

[He shrugs.]

That's why I don't understand what you talk about. Nobodies, Heartless, people with heart, people who shouldn't exist. You say those terms as if they should be something special and strange, but in the long run it all sounds the same as everything else. It's just that you don't know because you haven't gotten the chance to see it or learn.

[That's a lot of information all at once and Ikki's tone isn't exactly friendly, at least, Roxas thinks that. Babies sound a lot like what he used to be like and that makes him feel sad that they should die so easily. It still doesn't seem fair to him, even if it's normal.

For once, Roxas is at a loss for words. He puts his hand to his head and rubs his face. Honestly, it's a lot to think of all at once.]

[Ikki's tone is rarely "friendly" according to what people expect. Really, his tone is rarely nice, it's blunt and direct, realistic and serious, which is what makes most people think that he hates them or whatever. And he's not going to sugarcoat things or encourage anyone on "woe is me" monologues. Ironically he himself has sometimes engaged in monologues like those, but he would never deny being a hypocrite anyway.

He remains silent for a moment before he pulls himself away from where he was leaning, figuring that Roxas was done with him for the moment. Be it because the kid had no questions, didn't know what to say or hated his guts for whatever overly sensible reason, Ikki doesn't know and he doesn't care either. So he resumes his work of carrying things around, he's not done yet, though, so he will still be around Roxas if the kid decides he wants anything else to do with him.]

[It isn't like that at all, it's just that he's not used to getting so much information at once. It takes a few minutes to process at all. He's back to sitting on the railing before long, watching Ikki.]

What do you do about things like that then? What if you don't like things?

[He chuckles at the questions.]

When I was a kid, I used to think about things in terms of fair and unfair. Later I learned that there's no such a thing as something that is fair, life is unfair. It's the way it is, whether we like it or not.

I also used to think that one could actually change those things, take the things they didn't like and make them better.

[A pause as he puts a box above another one.]

There are a few things that can be fixed that way. But most of the things can't. And as ugly as it is, there's nothing we can do about it. Life isn't fair, it's isn't even nice. What makes it nice is what you do with it, what you get for yourself. If you just sit and wait for it to be fair and nice on you? You're just wasting your life and missing on the few good things you can find, I learned that a bit late.

I don't really understand everything you said, but...

[Roxas nods a bit.]

What if you're the one doing the wrong thing?

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