high_seas | HazMat Log 008 ♔ Patootles and Discount Coupons

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HazMat Log 008 ♔ Patootles and Discount Coupons

Who: Hazardous Materials
Where: Tartle Island then Deesuko Ballia
When: 8/7 onwards
What: gathering a patootle and then party over at pirate heaven
Warnings: alcohol and little whales that fart bubbles are dangerous to your health
Style: Any!
Status: Zoo entrance fee is still 50 doubloons

Hazardous Materials' August log of doom part! Date your stuff, you all know the drill.

8/7-8/11 : Sailing to Tartle Island
8/12-8/14 : Tartle Fun!
8/15-8/21 : Sailing to Deesuko Ballia
8/22-?: Party hard!!

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

I'm...

[There it is again, there's that feeling bubbling up within him. It had caught him by surprise and he scratches his cheek awkwardly.]

I think I'm okay.

You sure? You've been through a lot lately.

[It's as much an opening to talk as Lea will give him. He's never been very good at talking about this sort of thing. Well, most sorts of things, really, but he'd rather Roxas actually talk to him about it for once instead of going to everyone else he knows and then coming back to Lea with all the questions.]

I don't know.

[He draws up a leg to rest his chin on, keeping his hands away from clinging to Lea.]

I'm having...I feel weird. I'm always feeling weird now. It's not mad, sad or happy. It's just...weird. Maybe I'm breaking, or something. I never had weird feelings before. What's wrong with me?

[This again. Lea is fairly certain he knows the answer and VERY certain that Roxas won't want to hear it, so it's probably best to not address the whole heart issue at the moment. Instead, he shifts a little closer and rests most of his weight on Roxas, then he gives him a Look.]

What've I told you about the whole "broken" thing? You're not. broken. You're not. You've just discovered some fun new emotion you don't like much. So spill. I can't tell you what it is if you don't tell me what's up.

[He doesn't complain or shrug off Lea's weight. Roxas doesn't mind it much at all.]

Isn't it weird for a Nobody?

[It's not that he thinks he's broken per se, it's just that he isn't sure how else to put it.]

It's not the only one. But it's the one right now that I have. I mean...I don't know what it is. I didn't...when you didn't want to sleep with me I felt it. I didn't want you to go away from me. What if something happens to you? They said they had you and you were here and okay and I was...

[He curls one of his own hair spikes around his finger.]

And there's another one. Like that. Kind of like I'm happy you're okay but different because I don't feel happy.

Anxious, afraid, lonely...

[There was a lot Roxas said that Lea's not sure how to address. Roxas is different from other Nobodies. He always has been and he just becomes more and more his own person as time goes by. There's no denying that.

And then there's the indication that his captors tried to use his attachment to Lea against him. Bastards. It would do no good to try to distance himself from Roxas to keep that from happening again. No matter how much he retreats, Roxas always follows.

And then there's that last feeling Roxas is struggling to describe. It sounds a little ominous.]

You might have to give me a little more to go with for that last one. Whaddya mean you don't feel happy? I even made you sandwiches.

[He scratches his head a little bit.]

I mean, I like you're okay because I was really...afraid you weren't.

[That emotion, fear, isn't one he should be feeling. That much he does know.]

I'm not happy like I usually am. Even with the sandwiches. I'm just...you're okay and that makes me feel...happy but not. I don't know.

["What Am I Feeling?" is a very difficult game to play with Roxas. It's understandable that all the stress he's been through is draining him and maybe he feels a bit empty because of that, but for some reason that doesn't seem like the right answer.]

Disappointed? Listen, if there's something I did...

[Or didn't do. Roxas probably wanted him to pick him up and swing him around and spout all sorts of sugary nonsense like Marco would have if the Spades had gotten to the island first, but that's just not how Lea operates. He just can't be that kind of guy.]

[He shakes his head and pushes at Lea's arm.]

Not that! It's not a bad feeling just...I thought I'd feel more happy. Instead I'm just...glad you're okay. I was worried about it. I don't know. It's not really important anyway.

[Then there's the matter of him and Cynthia talking above his head. That was just confusing.]

[Lea draws back and pulls his arms in, no longer resting on Roxas. Not enough, just like he thought.]

Right. Not important.

[This shift is very perplexing to him. So he decides to react just like Lea does to him.]

What was that?!

[He gives him a little nudge.]

What was what? You're the one who said it.

[Lea doesn't budge. He just looks down at his hands, his expression forlorn. He just doesn't understand and he's beginning to think he never will. One second he's doing all he can to pry Roxas off and the next Roxas says something that cuts him down like this and makes him realize that he truly has no idea where he stands with him.]

Well yeah! It's not really important if you don't know how I feel because I mean, I don't get it. I just don't want you to worry too much about it if you don't know.

[Lea looks sad and Roxas doesn't know what he said to cause it.]

I...I don't know what I just did. I don't like this. I don't like this at all. You look sad. I don't-I didn't mean to do whatever I did.

You didn't do anything.

[Lea tries to keep his tone light and nonchalant, but there isn't much he can do about the look on his face.]

It's fine. Don't worry about it.

You shouldn't be sad.

[Roxas frowns at him and slides his arms around Lea. Screw his shoulder, screw any other pain he has, this is far far more important.]

I'm sorry. [He places a kiss to Lea's temple.]

Really, really sorry. [He kisses his cheek too.]

[He remembers what Roxas told him the last time he tried kissing him like this, that he'd go anywhere for him. Lea actually hadn't even felt guilty about him saying that that night. He certainly did later, but that was pretty par for the course. Every time he thought he'd gotten something right, he hadn't really. That Roxas would still stick with him...there are times he truly doesn't understand it, even though he selfishly wants it to stay that way.]

I keep telling you there's nothing for you to be sorry for. You can't always be happy to see me. Heck, most people aren't ever.

Of course I'm happy to see you!

[Lea isn't making any sense at all.]

I'm always happy to see you, except when you're being a jerk but you're not right now. I'm just so...so...

[Argh, that word. That elusive word, whatever that feeling is.]

You're okay.

You are okay, aren't you? I was...afraid... [No, that word, he still doesn't like it, but he clears his throat and pushes forward.]

I was so afraid you were being hurt somewhere.

[Without even thinking about it, he progresses to a soft kiss to his lips. He's thought of it before but it never seems like a good idea, but now Lea needs to know just how relieved he is.]

I don't want you to get hurt. I don't want to be here without you!

[He will never understand Roxas. Ever.

If he wasn't feeling so low, maybe he would have had it in him to protest, to ask why, to be baffled and confused and totally at sea as to why Roxas would get it in his head that this was a good idea, but he can't find it in himself to feel that way right now. He needs the comfort, he needs to continue to be selfish and think even for just a little while that it's okay for things to be this way.]

I know the feeling.

[He cups Roxas' cheek and gives him a brief, gentle kiss of his own.]

So stop doing dumb things like this, okay?

["Like this" covers a lot of things.]

[Roxas nods a little bit. He doesn't mind giving Lea comfort if that's what he needs. He's completely forgotten the rest of it for the moment, just watching Lea. The smile he gives him is subtle and soft.]

I wish you could tell me what I did wrong. I would stop...I would. I really would.

[He moves his hand to run his fingers through Lea's hair, giving him a tender look.]

Don't ever think I don't want to see you. You know me...I'd tell you if I wanted you to go away or something. But I don't. Not ever.

I keep telling you you didn't do anything wrong.

[It's hard to sound quite as irritated as he'd like to. The reason he'd protested so much when Roxas tried this before was because he likes it. It's soothing. Still, it's not the time to zone out, as much as he'd like to.]

I also keep telling you you need to take care of that arm of yours, but you didn't listen to that, either.

Yeah, I know...I will. I just don't want you to be sad anymore.

[Is it even helping? His expression turns quizzical as he looks at Lea. He sighs a little bit and lets go of him to scratch his head. What else is there...?]

You didn't forget what I told you, right?

[He pauses a beat and grins.]

I love you. [He taps Lea's forehead.] Got it memorized?

[That earns a laugh.]

I got it, I got it. I haven't had a chance to use that one in a while...

[His poor catchphrase.]

[The laugh gets a relieved smile from Roxas and he deems his mission to cheer up Lea complete. He sits back in a more comfortable position for his arm and slouches against the wall behind him.]

I guess you never tell me that, yeah. It's okay, I remember it.

If you forgot that one, we'd be in trouble.

[Usually Lea would shove him or swat at him right now, but he just told him he was supposed to be taking better care of himself, so that would be a little counterproductive.]

Anyway...[topic...topic...] You still hungry? You plowed through those sandwiches.

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