high_seas | Not feeling like myself today...

Hm?

[Lea, as usual, is sprawled on the floor with the journal open. It's just a little harder to sprawl when you have less to sprawl with.

What's up?

[He opens the door all the way and steps into the room, out of Marco's way.]

Marco wants to talk to you.

[Nothing about Lea's posture or position changes, but it's like you can see every single door slamming shut in his expression.]

Is that so? Am I supposed to clear my schedule or something?

If you want.

[Leans on the doorframe.]

Usually I'd be... shall we say 'miffed' that you felt the need to pretend to be Selphie?

But I'm more concerned that you were actually worried about being back here enough that you considered it necessary to stay in disguise.

Do you mind if I ask whether you still have your tattoo?

At the moment or back where I'm supposed to be right now?

[That's a no. If Selphie gets nosy and decides to poke around and see why Lea's shoulder hurts so much, she'd find that out. The design is much larger, much more elaborate, and there's no trace of the fiery red spade.]

Not as Selphie, on your own body. I don't want to ask Selphie, as that would be rude.

That's unsurprisingly hypocritical of you.

[Lea leans back and folds his arms behind his head.]

I have a tattoo. A nice big one on my shoulder like my captain's, though I think I'm a bit too skinny to pull off the whole down the arms, across the chest and over on the other side thing he's got going on. Not enough muscles, you know?

[Roxas gives a heavy sigh and looks away. He had no idea that Lea had done it, but he already had that fight and has nothing left to say.]

That's your choice.

But please understand, you are not unwelcome on this ship or any of the other Spades' ships.

You do not need to fear anything here for regards to your own safety unless you intend to directly harm one of the Spade crewmates, or allies. Even if you wished to protect a third party from us, that would not endanger your life, eh? We might still try to fight around you, but I'm fairly certain none of this crew would fight through you, much less purposely try to harm you. Even Ikki, if I have to deal with him personally, for all that he still has a bit of a temper about the situation.

Is that clear?

Wow. You really will say whatever will get you on his good side, won't you?

[There's no need to indicate who he means.]

[Shakes his head.]

No. I was going to invite you back to the crew if you still had your tattoo.

If you weren't in this crew before, and had still pulled that stunt in Selphie's body, I would be quite busy making your life hell right now. And in my world, I've beaten the living tar out of imposters and stranded them on islands stuck to survive, but made sure it was going to be an uphill struggle at best. I'm not nice, and I'm very cruel to imposters.

However, you were once nakama. I used to think you know what that meant to us, but I can see now, you don't. Trying to lay low because you were worried about our reaction shows you really don't know us as well as we thought. And that's on me. I'm... not a welcoming person. Obviously.

I told you about Blackbeard not so you would be afraid that we would treat you as a traitor, you would literally have to go as far as him to be that unforgivable, and I might be wrong, but I still don't believe you capable of that.

I told you about him so you'd understand why I'm as overprotective of Thatch as I am. And I wouldn't have told you any of that if I didn't trust you.

Thatch, Namur, and Leanne are currently captured by slavers. You're still welcome to stay and fight even when you're back to your regular body. And that has nothing to do with Roxas, but because when it comes to protecting my family I'm not so foolish as to refuse help when I may need it. And because, you once were nakama, and we considered you closer than a friend. [Aka: Caring for Thatch = assumed, but not forced, obviously.]

Roxas is likewise welcome to continue remaining a member of this crew, so long as he sees himself that way and is willing to openly declare himself as such. If you change your mind again, it would need to be discussed, but we don't ask anyone to stay if they will be unhappy here. If this is a bad place for you, that's all there is to it, that's your call, and we'll wish you luck, but please don't think we'll then resent you for it. We don't.

[Lea rolls his eyes incredulously. Seriously? Marco should have brought a guy with a violin with him or something.]

"Lea, please play nice so I can be Roxas' BFF. So sorry you can't actually come back to the crew because reasons, but we really do love you ever so much and don't understand why you would ever want to leave us. But you have, so...oh well, too bad. PS: We could use some extra hands, so it's totally about that, not what I said before. PPS: You're a horrible person, just so you know."

Did I cover it all?

[Marco arches an eyebrow.]

Do you want back in?

No.

[Are you stupid or something?]

Contrary to popular belief, there are better places to be.

Let me make it clearer then. [Literally speaking monosyllabic as if his diction were somehow the problem here.] Had you wanted back in, that could be arranged.

We will not force you to stay.

We assume you wish to be elsewhere, because you are happier there. As simple as that.

We do not need extra help, but we will accept it when offered. At no point should you feel endangered on these ships unless you wish the crew harm. Likewise; as simple as that.

As far as I know, Lea, no one in the Spades hates you or bears you any ill-will. The closest person to that is me. Firstly because of Thatch, and just now, because I don't like being tricked. Had you been anyone else, I wouldn't let that slide. I'm not letting it slide for Roxas' sake, I'm letting it slide because I would let it go from any nakama, current or former.

Likewise I mentioned the current whereabouts and safety status of Thatch, Namur, and Leanne, because you were once nakama, though I don't think you know what that means.

Roxas is here because I promised him he could slice my kneecaps if I bother you. While Roxas may not want to be on the crew without you, so long as he still wants to be a member of this crew, he can, and that has no bearing on your presence within the crew or not.

Do you really think I'm crying myself to sleep every night because I think you guys don't like me? I left for a reason and if you want to think that reason's because I don't understand your super special unique snowflake idea of friendship, you go right ahead. We both know perfectly well we wouldn't even be having this conversation if you weren't so concerned with me cutting off your access to creep on my best friend whenever you like. Seriously, what's up with that? I've seen old ladies with pink poodles who are less cutesy-poo than that. I don't know whether to barf or alert the local authorities.

[Since hearing about the tattoo, Roxas was kinda tuning out of the conversation. Not because it's not interesting or anything, but because it feels kind of weird to be there when they're not really talking to him. Lea was doing just fine, he knew he would be. But something about Lea talking about his best friend made him come around to his thoughts.]

Huh?

[It's completely over his head though.]

I really couldn't care less what you do until it touches the rest of the crew, Lea. I'm pretty sure you already know I'm too much of an asshole for that.

I was concerned that you decided to pretend to be Selphie out of an actual fear, which means I misconstrued my intentions.

And unfortunately, that's been known to happen. Part of that whole torturing the hell out of people who pisse me off. Shocking I know.

And if you must know, that's why I like Roxas. He's never had trouble understanding me even if I say nothing at all.

I don't think you left because you don't understand nakama, I think you left because you disagree with our priorities, and you weren't going to be happy here. Is that incorrect?

Let's tell it like it is, shall we? I left because you don't see anything wrong with hurting and killing people with different "priorities" than you and because you don't see anything wrong with dragging this world into darkness and creating more people like us.

[He looks over to Roxas to make sure he's listening and he understands.]

Except you'd like that, wouldn't you? More cute little Nobodies you can remake in your own image and project all your bullshit on. Or is just one enough? Because that's extra creepy, just so you know.

Edited 2014-08-26 05:52 (UTC)

The first part is true.

I don't have a problem with hurting and killing, or even flat out torturing people in this world who touch anyone in this crew. I never ever will. I can refrain from touching anyone who shows the slightest bit of sympathy for "monsters," but anyone who hates monsters is not going to be protected by me. People who help slavers, people who capture my brothers, and torture my baby sister, I am not going to hold back on. And requests to ask me to will be laughed at or ignored.

Roxas is Roxas. I'm not doing anything to create anyone, and I've only ever tried to share friendship with him. I would suggest you don't project your own issues, Lea. If I had to qualify my relationship with Roxas, it would be like my Pops was to me. And since my father is the only person I have ever, and will ever, try to do proud, I really don't care what you think of it. Whether you're dating him, as according to Cynthia or not, I have never, nor will ever question your relationship with him, because it's nothing to do with me. But I think we can both agree, we'd like him safe and happy, aye?

Even if we have different ideas of how to get there.

[Roxas can't help but look between them, somewhat bewildered by everything that's going on.]

I don't know what's wrong with killing, but I don't really want the world to fall into darkness. I mean, there shouldn't be anymore Nobodies anymore. You can't just make more! People need their hearts, don't they?

[He frowns a little bit. Hmm.]

I'm really confused. Dating? Huh? And more Nobodies and just..I think my head hurts.

[He drops to his knees on the floor, just to get a grip.]

[Lea is at his side in an instant because he knows he can't afford to waste time. It's kind of hard to sling a protective arm around someone's shoulders when you're a whole foot shorter than they are, but dammit, he's doing his best.]

I know, I know. It's okay. You take a second to sort it out. You've got this.

[He shoots a glare at Marco, just daring him to try to step in with a new bullshit explanation.]

Sorry.

[Both hands up.]

[For all his temper with Lea, it's with Lea, not Roxas.]

I think I need an explanation too. How are Nobodies created? I thought only Xemn-- [Pauses since he remembers Roxas said Lea didn't like the name being said out loud since it was a form of control and finding them, so he picks the rest slower and more carefully.] -- and the Organization could do that.

I'm not trying to take anyone's heart.

[Roxas rubs at his forehead a little bit. He wasn't lying about the headache setting in. He leans against Lea a little bit and he's quiet while he digests everything they're arguing about. As much as he can follow at any rate.]

It's because of strong people losing their hearts. I don't think the Organization took my heart, but I'm not sure. But that starts to happen when a world goes into darkness and then the Heartless begin to appear. Right Lea?

[He gives a wide-eyed blink up at Marco.]

You don't want people's hearts right?

Not feeling like myself today...

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