PIRATES vs. NAVY BATTLE LOG

[highseasmods]

December 9th finds some new arrivals to this world, the same curious phenomenon that's been occurring for the past few months.

This time, however, the Navy is prepared -- or so they think.

They've got troops stationed around the island, and ships on the water to stop any arrogant, foolhardy pirates and would-be sailors from trying to make port.

So hit them with all you've got, but they're not going down easily...

Comments

[hollywood_bro]

"Looks like we could both use new threads." Alpha Dave's clothes are also worse for the wear and not just because he's been fighting the Navy. They were torn up before he got here. He may not be dead anymore, but there's still a bloody hole in his shirt where his own sword was shoved through the chest and there are several other cuts in the fabric, along with some of the dirt and grime from the streets. "Don't think we'll be able to get any until the Navy clears out though."

All the more reason to chase them out of town. He can't go around looking like fat nasty trash. What would his fans think?

"I guess the chumps grow on you after awhile." Alpha Dave wouldn't know. He never met John or Jade. The only important person he left behind was Rose and she's probably just as dead as he was before he got here. He saw her get stabbed with the Condesce's trident just before he died. He'd rather not think about it. "We'll have to find a way to get you back. Sounds like you've got important shit to do."

[dersite_dj]

Dave didn't need to be informed on the matter. Daves just die. That's kind of their thing. Though, he was one of the lucky few to make the cut. Rather, he was the only one to make the cut--so far. He figured it wouldn't be insane if he were the Alpha Dave only for a little while longer before a more successful, slightly less chumpier one came through. Still, he held onto his ego like a pop star on rapid descent.

"I've got decent threads lying around, but the shit's better suited for Muppet Treasure Island than even my wasteful corpse of a body," Dave responded easily, deciding he wouldn't embarrass his future self by admitting he could brilliantly cosplay a less scruffy, even more pale Chris Elliott if he wanted to. Some things were best left unsaid, even among Daves.

"I wouldn't worry about it, though," He shrugged, touching his chin. "I figure if I were to ever find the fucking gem during my stay here, I would have gone back in time already to hand it to myself. So, I don't think I stick around here long enough to need it. Seeing as I'm currently not neck-deep in all the fucking wishes I'd run loop-holes through and exploit."

How did he figure? Dave paid more attention to the standards and rules of the place than anyone let on, but he realized it would be meaningless to really discuss it with his crew. He didn't need to pile depression into their lives.

[hollywood_bro]

"Everyone here looks like they're from muppet treasure island. I'm surprised I haven't seen Kermit running around with Miss Piggy on his tail." Not really. Dave has seen a lot of weird people here, but he's pretty sure he won't run into any walking, talking puppets. "Not that frogs have tails. We both know they don't. You probably learned more about frogs than you ever wanted to know."

When there are so many Daves running around it can be hard to tell which is which. This Dave was the Alpha timeline Dave in his session, until he died. Then there were no more Daves in the Alpha session. It was really fucking sad, okay? He doesn't remember the Beta session. Most of what he knows about that comes from Rose, via her seer powers. She just knew these things. And she was obviously right, because here he is talking with a teenage version of himself who has god tier powers. Must be Beta Dave.

"Can't do the time thing, dude. Not that I miss it much. Time travel's all fun and games until you're the dead Dave." He picks at the hole in his shirt in a manner that is deliberately casual. Time travel wasn't responsible for his death, but he'd rather let his younger self think that than admit he went and got himself permanently killed off. A planet without Daves is just too scary to contemplate.

[dersite_dj]

"Yeah," Though, he didn't have much of a response to that. It was plain as day that time powers were awesome only after one no longer had them. He was certain Davesprite and every other Dave felt the same as this guy. Still, he was determined to think that maybe he didn't need them--or, maybe he was just the wrong guy to have them entirely. If he had some wind powers like John, he could have probably been a little happier. He wouldn't have had to weigh things nearly as much as he did. That windy asshole could get away with doing whatever the hell he wanted without concerning himself with keeping the structural integrity of a universe intact by making sure a turtle didn't get crushed by a rock or something obscenely small and infinitesimally important.

Really, he was just full of complaints left and right--something he knew was stupid and normal for teenagers, but still a burden on him none the less. Deciding for a moment to just quit thinking about himself, Dave paused to consider the life that this guy likely lived. All he could really do was ask one question he was sure had to be asked.

"Hey. Puppets are fucking awful, right?"

[hollywood_bro]

"Puppets? Not sure what the big deal is." Alpha Dave wouldn't know much about them. He wasn't raised by Bro and he only just met Dirk. He has no idea that his young bro has a puppet fetish. Be envious little Dave, because this version of you grew up with a distinct lack of puppet dong in his life. He was never buried in puppet prostate or prodded by proboscis. He never had to put up with Cal's creepy antics ether.

[dersite_dj]

Good. This wasn't some sort of Bro sleeper agent in disguise. The biggest danger had truly been averted and Dave felt a bit more safe to expose himself. In the next moment, he switched his clothing to his God Tier clothing, since it did better to look less like he was some loser wearing some severe hand-me-downs.

Now he just looked like a weird ass teenager about to go to bed at a Renaissance festival.

"I'm not gonna shit on the ridiculous apocalypse you must have gone through, but at least there wasn't the addition of puppets, dude. You dodged one of a dozen bullets."

[hollywood_bro]

The God Tier duds aren't so bad. Alpha Dave likes the color, though the design could use some work. He isn't sure how he feels about the hoodie, but it's better than the ridiculously undersized clothing his younger self was wearing a moment ago.

"You're gonna have to give me the lowdown on the all evils of puppets sometime." He's starting to feel like he's missing out. What could have possibly happened to make young Dave hate them so much?

[dersite_dj]

Dave could have just tossed his older self his shades, told him the folder and let him go to town on the footage Bro kept sending him of all the filthy puppet-based escapades that went on in the house, but that would have undoubtedly beckoned the question, 'Why the fuck did you keep it?' which would leave Dave's mind in the dust.

"It's no biggie. Just remember that shit is whack and if you've got anyone under your sphere of influence you ought to radiate an intense amount of subliminal anti-puppet propaganda."

[hollywood_bro]

Alpha Dave would have found the puppet escapades unsettling and it would've made him wonder about Dirk and his hobbies. Young Dave didn't give him much of an explanation, but he accepts it. No sense in making a big deal out of this.

"I've got the market cornered on subliminal propaganda." Not that he plans on incorporating anti-puppet material into his work. Whatever is wrong with puppets it can't possibly be as bad as the Batterwitch. "Movies, blogs, websites, you name it. All the digital media. Don't do books though, that's Rose's thing."

[dersite_dj]

At that, Dave managed to feel even more inadequate in the face of things. Sure, he had magical pajamas that grew with him, never got dirty and repaired themselves. Despite that, his older, alternate self managed to get a life, build up a goddamn massive sphere of influence and apparently grow up to be someone not easily alienated or indoctrinated by the world's bullshit.

It was an effective enough way to let Dave know that he wasted three of his life running around with a guy wearing black bandages and drawing on nearly every fucking wall of the library with age-old chalk. Though, who was he kidding? Nobody could fucking avoid being besties with the Mayor. It was impossible not to love that guy and he didn't regret a second of their time spent together. Best guy ever.

"Wait," He trudged along, decidedly doing the stuff that he hated. Allowing exposition. "What's Lalonde's deal? She's back into writing?" And not pounding down home-made vodka like it was the ONE NAIL STANDING UP?

[hollywood_bro]

Alpha Dave couldn't be more proud of his media empire. He was happy with his comics when he was younger, but the movies are ten times better. If only young Dave knew what it was like to direct his own films and hang out with the stars. It was the most awesome thing ever. Until the Batterwitch killed his cast. He got revenge though. One shitty juggalo president down for each of his beloved movie stars. Ben Stiller and Donald Glover can rest in peace.

"Don't think she ever stopped. She's been writing CotL since we were kids. The volumes are fucking massive, dude. Thicker than my dick. You could kill a cat with one of those things like... drop it from a two story building, it'll cause a fucking earthquake." And on top of that there were six of them. "Snarky bookshrews never stop writing."