high_seas | Into the storm

Entry tags:

Into the storm

Who: Hazardous Materials with special guest star Draco Malfoy
Where: the ship, and then Eternal Bliss (oh joy)
When: November 1-5 at sea, 6-? on land
What: sailing log, and then shenanigans on wedding island
Warnings: let me know if there are any
Style: as you please
Status: closed to "who"

[As soon as the sun did not rise on the 1st, like others had suggested it would, Gan Ning wanted off Isla Empieza. He put out the call to his crew - get on the ship, leave no man behind. Or woman, Cynthia.

The storm hit while they were two days out from the island. It would take all hands on deck to keep the Nightfury from capsizing, good thing they have a couple of solid dragons to keep things in check. Just watch out for Gaius and his fiery pendant! By the time the storm blows out in the wee hours on the 4th, the charts put them drifting near to Eternal Bliss. Are the residents still pissed at pirates for what Kodachi did? Who cares, they need to land to make repairs. And maybe score some treasure, if anyone wants to go through the marriage requirement.

Date your posts and mingle away!]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Geez, you really do have veggie issues. It's sweet, I promise.

[Lea leans back against the rail and looks down at him, trying to figure out what the problem is this time. He's clearly having a sulk over something, but that's about all he can figure out.]

It's not that. I just don't need to.

[He gives a sullen little shrug. He's not in the mood to pretend he's a normal person today. He's lost in his own mind about his nightmare, which the effects are lingering over him.]

Since when do you turn down sweets? What's up, Roxas?

[He finds a crate to set the plate on, then walks back over and looks down at him with concern. Roxas is very good at being mopey, but it's usually easy to distract him if you have cake or cookies or candy. If he's sticking with the sulk, something serious has to be going on.]

I just don't feel like eating right now...

[He watches Lea walk around a bit and come back. He wonders if he can avoid talking about it but it seems like Lea wouldn't leave it alone. He rarely does when he wants to know what's going on with Roxas' head.]

Nothing really. I'm...just thinking about the...I don't know what to call it. Me disappearing.

You didn't disappear, you know. It was another one of those curse thingies that happen all the time. I think most of us went through something like that.

[He's not exactly forthcoming with the fact that he did, but that's neither here nor there. Roxas needs to know this wasn't a "just Roxas" thing, as he tends to assume a lot of stuff is.]

[Roxas is quiet as Lea explains it. Of course when he came around here, he knew that Lea was right about it. It doesn't mean however, that he's any more relaxed.]

Yeah. I know that, I think.

[He lowers his eyes, staring at the sea.]

It's going to happen to me.

Yeah, I know.

[Lea sighs and shakes his head. He hates having this conversation. It's not easy when he's the only one who'll even admit that it's true. Everyone else always tries to sugarcoat it or insist to Roxas that it isn't going to happen and it's not doing him any favors.]

It won't be like that, though. That's just what you're afraid it's gonna be like.

Do you really think so Lea? Because I...I can't do it Lea. I thought I could, you know? But that nothing...being trapped like that. I just can't.

[He finishes his words in a whisper. He's afraid. It has to happen and he's afraid. He feels guilt burning in the pit of his stomach, he hangs his head a little, almost ashamed.]

[Lea reaches over to pet his hair (which is still too long, by the way). He can't really speak in absolutes about the whole thing and he doesn't want to give him too much false hope, but this is something he's fairly confident about.]

I don't think so, I know so. Do you really think it's gonna be dark and cold and empty inside Sora? He's pretty much the opposite of all that stuff. If anything, you're gonna be so warm and cozy you aren't gonna want to leave.

[Roxas looks up at Lea to meet his eyes, almost like he's reading him and he is daring to hope that Lea is right about that. Lea tends to be right a lot.]

I-I don't know what it's going to be like. He's not, he's good right?

[He's quiet before he leans over a bit to touch his forehead to Lea's torso, letting him pet his hair.]

I'll want to leave. I'd miss you too much Lea.

[He leans against him.]

I was so scared.

[Lea looks away as soon as Roxas tries to meet his eyes. That look is a bit too intense for him to take right now, especially when he's only mostly sure that he's not lying out his ass.]

I know. It was pretty scary, I'll give you that. Anybody woulda be scared.

[He lets Roxas lean and keeps petting his hair, trying to be soothing.]

Edited 2014-11-11 23:41 (UTC)

[Lea doesn't meet his eyes and Roxas lets out a small sigh. He can't try and read him, and he might be lying to make Roxas feel better. He probably doesn't know, Roxas realizes. How can he?

He could just stop existing, that's one option for what will happen, or he could be trapped in darkness alone forever, another choice. He doesn't know what it will actually be like and he can feel the ache already.

He's had a lot longer to think about this than he anticipated, considering he's supposed to already be gone with only a day or two of thinking about it. He's had time to speculate and fret about it.

Roxas stays quiet, but somehow Lea doesn't seem as soothing as he did a minute ago. He shivers. Whether he's gone or not, he's alone isn't he? He's incomplete, he's the only Nobody. He understands now what it truly feels like to be alone. He puts his hand to his chest, pressing it firmly.]

[Lea looks down at him, worry clear on his face. Whenever Roxas does that "press your hand against the heart you don't quite have," it's never a good sign.]

Hey, stop that. What's wrong, Roxas?

[Somehow, these conversations always end up going this way...]

It hurts. [He mumbles softly, barely above a whisper.] Even if I know there's nothing there, it hurts.

[He drops his hand though, for Lea's benefit and puts his head in his hands instead. He's feeling a jumble of emotions at once, he's tired and he just doesn't know what to think.]

I hate this. I hate it so much. Why can't I just be normal?

[He's having a bit of a hard time coping today.]

Why can't I just be me? Or at least know who I am then? Why is it like this? [His vision is beginning to blur.] What's the point? I didn't ask for this! I don't even...Hoping you'd save me...what's wrong with me? That's not how it works, is it Lea? You can't be Axel again, right? So I'm just going to...

[He can't finish that thought, he lets out a little sob.]

Hey...

[Lea sighs and hugs Roxas close.]

You and I are different, okay? Don't know how many times it's gonna take me explaining this for it to sink in, but things don't work the same way for you that they do for me. Me? Axel? Same guy. You and Sora? Different people. You join back up, sort things out between you, and I'll come pick you up later. We've got this.

[He lets Lea pull him close, sniffling a little and he nods a little. Lea has said that before, but how does he know? Regardless, he drops his hands and wraps his arms around Lea suddenly, squeezing him tightly.]

You're sure we've got this?

[His voice is a little unsteady, because he's just so rattled. He doesn't dare meet Lea's eyes this time.]

I'm sure. I keep telling you to have a little faith in me. I made a promise and I'm not going to break it. End of story.

[He gives him a squeeze back, then ruffles his hair.]

So stop being such a worrywart and eat.

[He's quiet for a moment but he nods a little.]

I have faith in you. It's not...I'm...I mean...

[It's hard to explain how anxious he feels right now. He doesn't want Lea to get the wrong idea. He's not doubting him exactly, he knows Lea won't give up. He chews his bottom lip and pulls the back of his hand across his eyes before suddenly reaching up to place his hand on the back of Lea's neck, followed by arching up as high as he can to kiss him. He's intending for it to be short and sweet and maybe do the talking for him.]

Okay...I'll eat. [He concludes when the kiss gets broken.]

Good.

[Lea smiles and gives him a little shove. Usually, he'd make a token protest to Roxas being that openly affectionate, but things have been rough lately and he can be a little forgiving. If anyone wants to make something of it, they're not getting any bread. One of the perks of being the cook.]

And no complaining because it's got vegetables in it.

I don't know, am I going to taste it?

[Roxas leans over to take a piece of bread off the plate before settling back to how he's sitting on the railing. He gives the bread a dubious look.

A moment later, he shrugs and takes a bite, chewing it thoughtfully. He glances at Lea, the bread is sweet, but not quite like cake. Where did Lea come up with that idea?

Roxas can swear he feels a little twinge in his stomach as he swallows, but it passes.He takes a second bite.]

Hey Lea, I almost forgot. I have a question for you. Jesse said that he thinks you want to have sex with me. Is that true?

[There is nothing in his tone, body language or expression beyond curiosity. The sheer weight of what he's asking is over his head.]

WHAT?!

[Volume, Lea, volume. It takes a few seconds for his heart to start beating again, though it seems like all the blood in his body is devoted to making him blush as red as possible. He scrubs his hand down his face and tries to calm down. Breathe in, breathe out. In and out.

How does Roxas even get into these conversations with people?]

No that is not tr-- Well, I mean, technically...just...Roxas, no. No. Even if the thought's crossed my mind -- not saying that it has!! -- ...no. That's not a thing that's happening.

[It's been on his mind more often what with this girl thing and all, but pretty much everything that's happened since that started has sent him a pretty clear message that it's a bad idea.]

[He's watching Lea and realizes he's completely embarrassed him with that question. Roxas hadn't really meant to do that, but he was curious about what Jesse told him.

He runs his mind over what Lea is saying. Technically, but no. Roxas isn't sure what to make of that at first. He feels a little strange at the outright rejection, but he isn't sure why. He wasn't asking Lea to have sex with him, he was just wondering if it's something he wants to do.

Lea sounds pretty definitive about it, so he can't help but tilt his head and ask another question.]

Why not?

[He still sounds mostly curious. What he knows about the subject isn't much. It's been explained to him once, awhile ago, and what he remembers is very little. But Jesse seemed to think that because of the way he is with Lea, so it seems like it's part of this whole love thing they have going on.]

[Lea doesn't so much sigh as deflate as he slides down the rail to sit on the deck. Of course Roxas won't just take no for an answer. That would make his life way too easy.]

'cause it's a pretty big deal and I really don't think it's a good idea right now.

[He's pushed things a little here and there and it's left him feeling like a total creeper each time. If that's how it makes him feel, he's pretty sure it's not going to endear him to anyone else.]

[Roxas rarely just takes no for an answer anyway. He watches Lea's behaviour and finds it somewhat perplexing. Without thinking much about it, he slides his free hand into Lea's hair to run his fingers through it since he's still sitting on the railing.]

I didn't mean right now or anything.

[Roxas is aware he's something of a mess right at this moment and that probably isn't going to help matters any, nor is that attractive in any way.]

It's just that you sounded really sure. I was just asking because Jesse asked me about it. He asked because people who love each other like that have sex I guess.

[He even sounds a little uncertain about that.]

Some of them do, yeah, but it's not like it's required.

[Lea is mortified enough at the moment that he doesn't even see a reason to protest having his hair played with. He likes it, it's soothing, and he needs soothing right now. His poor brain...]

It's complicated and it's not something we're gonna do just because someone said we should, okay? It's...I don't know...

[He waves his hands in exasperation.]

A process or something. That you haven't processed yet, so it's not happening.

Edited 2014-11-16 04:02 (UTC)

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