Roxas On The Ship

[heartismyown]

 Who: Roxas, The Spade Pirates
Where: On the ship
When: After arriving at the island, Roxas is trying to catch his bearings on the ship. (December 12)
What: Time for Roxas to make some new friends
Warnings: Questions. Lots of questions.
Style: Any
Status: Closed to crew

Roxas was confused.

This in itself was not that unusual, however it was different. Everything he worried about just days ago seemed to be less of a problem now that he's found himself in a new, somewhat hostile world. He met Riku and followed him to a ship, and today he was just hanging out, trying to get a feel for the place, and maybe unscramble the mess that was his memories.

In the morning, he can be found sitting on the railing overlooking the sea. Roxas looks content doing so, he had a fascination with the water.

In the afternoon, he can be found in the galley getting a snack, or perhaps down below deck, checking out his room and pacing between it and the steps so he can remember where it is.

In the evening, he can be found on deck on his back, staring at the stars.

Comments

[uccellodifuoco]

Like a newborn then.

[Ikki shakes his head.]

You know, if a human is born and is told for years that they have no heart, they will think they have no heart. Would they be a Nobody too?

[heartismyown]

[Roxas shakes his head.]

I don't think so. I don't really know. That's confusing. I joined the Organization about 350 days ago or so. But I left them a little bit ago too. It's hard to tell time sometimes. I don't know how long I was gone in Twilight Town.

[uccellodifuoco]

Oh? So you think it's confusing? What else do you think?

[heartismyown]

[He blinks at him.]

Well, I dunno what you mean. I think lots of things.

[uccellodifuoco]

What do you think of being here? Or of that Axel you have mentioned? Or Namine, are they your friends or something?

[heartismyown]

[That's a lot of questions for Roxas at once. Usually he's the one asking them.]

I'm confused. I don't know where this is, or why people were so angry when I woke up. I don't know about Riku, he seemed pretty mad at me, but I guess that's...normal? I don't know. We fought before.

[He takes a breath.]

I don't like how confused I am, and I think it's hard to remember things in order. I know I just got my memories back but they're all mixed up, kind of. I think.

Axel is here. But he's not Axel. He got his heart back, his name is Lea. I memorized it! We're best friends!

[He grins at that an when he thinks about Namine, he shakes his head.]

I don't really know her either. She's the one who told me I shouldn't exist and that Sora needs me to wake up, because he's sleeping.

[uccellodifuoco]

[He wasn't expecting that type of answers, though among the extra information there were things that he was expecting to hear.]

Okay, first of, flash news kid, you have a heart.

Second, I don't know what that bit about how you shouldn't exist is about. But Sora is here, and he's awake, while you're also here, so whatever that means it probably doesn't matter here.

[heartismyown]

Axel said I didn't have a heart.

[He scratches his head. How did he get it? Where did it come from? What would Sora think of that?]

Because he's sleeping and I was going to join him but...

[He swallows.]

Anyway Riku confirmed it. I join with Sora and disappear, just like I was never here.

[uccellodifuoco]

Maybe you don't in the normal sense, but if you can feel confused or upset and think that someone is your best friend, that's pretty much what a heart does. I know people who supposedly had hearts, but were pretty heartless in their actions and thoughts.

[Ikki snorts at the last part.]

Just so I get it clear, Lea, your friend with "a recovered heart", does he know you? Have memories of you?

[heartismyown]

Really? Is that what it does? Axel couldn't tell me! Sometimes he'd just say 'that's what people with hearts are like' and I never really understand it. What else is it like?

[Roxas is intrigued.]

Uh huh, he remembers me. Maybe he's the only one though, I didn't ask. He didn't tell me anything about it yet.

[uccellodifuoco]

I guess some people may have different opinions of what having a heart means. But in my opinion, actions are bigger proof of that than anything else. About what else is it like to have a heart... Have you ever felt as if you're in pain, but there's no actual wound in your body? For example, when you were told that you're not supposed to exist. What did you think then? Did you feel uncomfortable or wounded somewhere?

[There's a soft hum, and then a brief chuckle, "the only one", he says. Despite there clearly being two people who remember him.]

But Riku remembers you as well, don't you? If you really were never supposed to exist, if your existence was a mistake that eventually gets fixed like that. The normal thing would be that everyone would forget about you. Or that their memories would be replaced with Sora being in your place since it seems you're like a part of him or something.

[heartismyown]

Yeah. It didn't feel good...and I was angry she said that. Even if it's true, it was mean.

[Roxas shakes his head a bit.]

Riku doesn't remember me, he and I don't know each other. I don't-I think we're enemies. At least, we fought once. So he must not like Organization XIII. I can't say what happens. I came here instead of disappearing.

[uccellodifuoco]

See, if you didn't have a heart you wouldn't have cared about that. Wouldn't get angry or think that it was mean, you would have no feelings. At all.

[He arches his eyebrow at that.]

Wait, if Riku doesn't remember you, how can he confirm that you disappear?

[heartismyown]

[Roxas is stumped for a minute, he has to think about it. What exactly did Riku say?]

Well, he knows Sora.

[That's all there must be to it.]

[uccellodifuoco]

So?

[That doesn't make sense.]

[heartismyown]

[He shakes his head and shrugs helplessly.]

I can't tell you what happens once I disappear. I guess I just...join with Sora, and it's like Roxas never was.

[uccellodifuoco]

Do you know something? That's exactly the same that happens with humans and people "with hearts" when they die. It doesn't mean they should have never existed or that their existences are a mistake, though.

[heartismyown]

Namine and Riku both said it though! Nobodies aren't supposed to exist.

[uccellodifuoco]

And you were told you were a Nobody. Yet other than that I don't see anything that says that you're different.

[heartismyown]

Well...well I don't know.

[He scratches his head.]

Maybe you should ask Lea.

[uccellodifuoco]

If you have to ask to know why you're supposedly different. I would say that you aren't that different. Or do you have some sort of pride on being a Nobody?

[heartismyown]

[Pride? Roxas isn't really sure what pride is, so he probably doesn't have it, he figures.]

I don't know. I know I did bad things. Namine told me Organization XIII was doing bad things, and I was working there. That's where the Nobodies work.

[uccellodifuoco]

Is there anything you have learned on your own, or by reading it somewhere rather than having someone telling you?

[The question is done with pure curiosity and without any animosity.]

[heartismyown]

[Roxas needs to think about this. Reading wasn't really big on their to do list in the Organization. Might have been a good way to spend his day off, but at the time he didn't know that.]

I don't think so.

[uccellodifuoco]

[Ikki shakes his head.]

That's no way of living, kid, if all you know is what a few people tell you then you're no different from a puppet. A being without a heart, without a will and without a personality.

You have to question things, question what people tell you, ask others about what other people tell you. And I don't mean people who are in the same organized group like that Organization you mentioned, people outside of it. Ask people what means to have a heart and then think about how you have lived so far, what you have done when no one was telling you what to do exactly, how you reacted to things and decide yourself if you have one. Same for your existence.